Our Last Farewell - Dan Fogelberg

Once I loved you and you loved me
We believed our souls were meant to breathe as one
And could never come undone again
And once I believed that you and I
Were the two that would defy the fickle gods
And win out against the odds and go on forevermore

But now that your heart has turned away
I must try to find a way to let you go
Even though I know you will never leave me
Cause you were my life's one great romance
And I will always see you dancing through my dreams
And as hopeless as it seems, I will always love you
And now if you think we've said it all
Let the final curtain fall on us at last
And just put it in the past and say our last farewell

This song is dedicated to GWS because Ramadhan reminds me of us crossing over each other's life, in a weird way, once upon a time. This Ramadhan, it will be the end ...

Filial Piety - Xiao Tao

I came across this interesting article in yesterday's The Star Weekender - Between Superstition and Symbolism. After reading Lisa See's "Peony in Love", i thought Chinese celebrates this Hungry Ghost Festival to appease the literally Hungry Ghosts because in that novel, it says that people who died tragically or those whose family didn't perform burial rituals or forgot to offer offerings to them, they will become restless, roam the world - hungry - hence, the hungry ghosts they are called. After reading the article, i had a 270 degree change in view of this ritual, which ended recently.

"The need for such ritual started "to resolve a social concern that was then plaguing a particular era", where there was a sharp spike in deaths and fatal illnesses resulted from shortage of food and sub-zero temperature, that they burn joss stick to provide some relief from the freezing cold and to get rid of flies and diseases that were spreading.

This festival was made official in the Zhou Dynasty, when a Record of Rites was compiled by a Confucianist student who thought it was a fundamental doctrine for every human being. It tells you to pay respect to those before you and to thank them for their sacrifices they have made. After all, without them, we wouldn't be here and the world wouldnt be as it is. Hence, this is the most basic concept of filial piety - xiao tao.

There is a story about Confucius asking his students in a class on the definition of xiao tao. One student answered that it means providing your parents with shelter and food and taking care of them if they are ill.

Confucius roared with laughter and commented that the studnt has not learned anything from his classes because the student speaks of his parents as if they are on equal footing with the chickens and pigs frmo the farm. He, then said, that filial piety goes beyond obligations. Two main elements of filial piety is respect and deep honour as they are the roots of all virtues.

Both parents and children are shaped by others especially their families and that is why they should always show their appreciation by respecting the elders and caring for the youngs. Confucius believes that by doing this could help to cultivate your heart and soul".

How true! They are times when i called my friend S (a chinese) upnorth and he told me that he's preparing for prayers. Most of the time, i thought he was bullshitting me because i dont see other chinese doing the same. To say that im proud of him of his family rituals is understatement, i should now proudly say that he is a filial son to his family, who thought of others before his interest, who suffers in silence so that his parents are happy. As they say, all cures are bitter but they do good to you.

So, filial piety is not about money or luxury..it is the thoughts and actions that count. So, when was the last time to talk to your parents?

Cuti Cuti Kuih Raya

As i have mentioned earlier, my mission for taking quite a long leave is to bake cookies for raya. As of today, we - me, my mother, my sis and my little nephew - have whipped us pineapple tart and peanut cookies. Coconut cookies, Honeyed cornflakes and Almond cookies will be on their way!

Guys, wish me luck as my body is actually so tired but my spirit still running high. I guess when we have put our heart into something, we can make it happen. Self interest takes back seat and making it for those we care is the most important thing.

Well, you can say it is just cookie baking - so darn simple! And i believe how small my actions are, they meant a lot, especially when they came from the bottom of my heart.

Selamat berpuasa guys! May this Ramadhan makes us a better person.

Selamat Hari Merdeka ke-51

Since 26 August 2008, the ruling bandit went on panic run. Just like previous colonial ruler, truth is something to be hidden from the rakyat. Malaysia Today has been blocked for days and bloggers that disseminate information, that make us ponders what have we become today and that make us weep because the truth is so far away from what is being portrayed, may face difficulties, which we may not know of, because the ruling bandit is so damn good about spinning lies. Indeed, it is a sad day. We are just like our forefathers - being denied the truth and whoever told the truth will be incarcerated.

For the last few days too, i managed to watch Astro (i don't watch TV normally) and everytime it aired our Lee Chong Wei and his coach, Haji Misbun Sidek, i shed tears. That's racial unity at its best. That's selfless determination at its strongest. For me, that's the best Independence Day's ads. Others, just idiotic mockery of what Malaysia is today - so unreal, so pathetically cheery - they sucks!

Today, we do not stand on what makes us a human being with functional grey matters. We are just like herds who follows signs of survival. We forget that everyone plays an important part instead of looking at the status and what's in your bank account - signs that you are worth it in this world. We cringed at people who make a big fuss about freedom, justice, integrity. We idolise fake stability, laced with lies, stupidities and injustice. Mediocre is a way of life and money rules the heart. Jealousy runs high and insecurity dictates your actions. Malaysians, what have we become?

I vow to be an upright Malaysian. I wish truth will prevail. Scully, Mulder, can you help us?

A new dawn for all hopeful Malaysians!

I am on leave today, in fact for the next one week on pretext for "cuti cuti buat kuih raya" (wish me luck guys!!!)...

But, more significant of me taking long leave is that today is P44 by election day. Couped up in the office will definitely make me weepy (hello..i'm icequeen, cannot la nangis) and yes, i wanted to dedicate myself being anxious all-day long waiting for the result.

Last 2 nights, i asked my mother again...siapa menang? Anwar la my mother said..yippe yeay! So, i was, again, on another spring cleaning, just like on the eve of GE12 in March. I checked Uncle Zorro Unmasked, Anil Netto, Tukartiub and People's Parliament every other minute even when i was cooking this morning (fuss-free cooking - beef curry and stir fry vege).

And so i read many blogs. While many are hopeful to see PR's victory in P44, quite a few, especially pro-TDM goner umno member, spell out their disgustful feeling to us, who think Anwar will be our hope for a new Malaysia. Apparently, they can't wait to expose more of Anwar's skeleton in the old wardrobe. Frankly, i feel sad for them. Have they lost their conscience? It is surprising to see these young professionals still have loads of hatred in them, as if they had been hurt by Anwar personally. Patut la Melayu tak boleh maju. Ada aje yang dengki dan busuk hati. I wanted to express my disappointment to them but i do not wish to be like them. Personal attack is not PR style. Wake up guys! When you said we idolise Anwar you get sick of it, how about you with TDM? Enough said...dah masuk U, dah kerja besar, fikir2 la sendiri. So, itu group bloggers. Those non-bloggers or those who are out of touch with internet, i can say they don't bloody care. Another sad lot! hmmm...

Anyway, while i'm writing this, DSAI is winning by 15,671 majority. Alhamdullilah. P44, thank you for helping us sending him to the August House. Like many other comrades, I am overjoyed. Syukur tak terhingga.

Kuasa mutlak hak rakyat
Kuasa keramat membawa berkat

Just a song that crossed my mind...

A new day has come - Celine Dion


I was waiting for so long, For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong, Hold on and don't shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times, I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I'd had it all, But I was waiting for you (hope for a new malaysia)

Hush now I see a light in the sky, Oh it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears, Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun, A new day has come

When it was dark now there's light, Where there was pain now's there's joy
Where there was weakness I found my strength
All in the strength of Pakatan Rakyat

A sincere appeal to Malaysia's KingMakers!

I asked my mother, who will win in P44 by-election? Subconsciously, she said Arif Shah... Since yesterday, i had a bad feeling that DSAI will not win easily. Not without many tricks and strings by the goner (and tak guna) UMNO.

First attempt, Saiful the mole took his Quranic oath in KL and the malay MSM splashed their first page with his oath - verbatim. Thank God my nephews wont be reading them today as it is so despicable to allow such utterance of many words, it seemed like we are reading a sex ed pamphlet (i dont read past first page as touching the MSM itself feel like a sin to me). I pray that one fine day, he will remembered as one of the most shameful malaysians.

For the next 8 days, they will be more character assassination of DSAi and PR. There will be more protest by some money-hungry UiTM students on suggestion by TKI on giving 10% UiTM intake to non-bumi. There will be more filthy stories about how dysfunctional PR is.

I wonder how did we get into this whole shit and how do we untangle this web of confusion amongst malaysians? I pray hard that those who are empowered to ensure fair by-election and those who have rights to vote will have conscience, integrity and honesty to do what is fair i.e. meletakkan sesuatu pada tempatnya.

My mother asked me did they ever asked someone who casted a black magic on someone to stop doing that and why they needed to do that in the first place? It made me thinks - hmmm... once we get all the goons in the cells, i would want to delve into their minds and get the truth why on the earth they did what they did?

51 years ago, our grandfathers fought hard to be free from colonialism. Poverty was everywhere, races were divided to create hatred and they fought in blood and sweat. 51 years on, we are just like them but as pathetic and silly as it sounds, the enemy is no longer colonialism. The evil is amongst us, languishing in luxury at the expense of others, brandishing keris to protect their rights (when the rights were trampled down by they themselves), uttering moronic statements (that made malaysians look so foolish in the eyes of the world), 'robotting' malaysians (thinking is not allowed).

To the kingmakers, give victory to PR. Give us many hopeful malaysians a chance to open a new chapter of Great Malaysia with sending DSAI to the August House. Dont let us down and leave us in despair. This is what we have been waiting for. We have a lot of works to do, to clear all these mess we have unnecessarily accumulated for the past 30 years to bring back glory to Malaysia and its people.

My chaffeured-driven BUS

I started taking the bus to work almost 2 weeks now. Not bad at all as I will hop on the bus around 6.45 am and get down at Jln Sultan Ismail/ Jln TAR junction around 8.00 am. Ill be in the office by 8.15 am. Cool aint it? No way they are going to issue me latecomer warning letter now..hehheheh

Since the bus comes every 30 minutes, i will definitely get to see the same drivers and conductors on the bus every single working day. I make a point to put on my 'charming smile' and bid them good morning or how are you every time i got on the bus. Not to 'bodek' or 'kipas', just my little token of appreciation for them driving me safe and sound. Naturally, my little kind gestures are returned in them smiling back, asking me how do i get back home, is it safe for me to wait there, etc. I am touched because strangers could have that kind of concern about me - another stranger. That is so thoughtful of them. Trying to make their driving a little smooth, i sometimes popped some sweets or gums to them or even drinks.

One thing that keep me high spirited during the bus ride is listening to the radio. I will tap my feet oblivious to the person next to me or the maddening traffic outside the bus and lip-sync the tune. Yes, me and my radio - priceless!

Did i tell u that i save a lot on transportation because i buy the monthly travel pass for RM118? Lets consider i commute...petrol to get to Kuang Commuter Station (traveling time : 20-30 mins, to n fro will cost me around RM20 a day), Kuang to BNM (RM5 a day) x 20 working days = RM500 at least per month? wow..

And did i tell u that by paying RM118 a month, i could be riding in a bus perhaps as old as i am. That troubles me because i can see the difficulty for the drivers to drive such a bus, the minute he throttled, you feel like the bus is going to fall apart into metal pieces... Look out for Selangor Omnibus Bus. Yea, thats my chaffeured-driven bus. It doesn't look that cool, it accepts too many kinds of people on board (wait...am i in Medan?) but boy, it works like clock work...that excites me to the core...KTM couldn't beat them!

While some are airconditioned, some offers free, blowing winds through your face.. How invigorating.

I know some people are shocked to hear me taking a bus (gosh, a banker taking a bus ride? thats cheapskate man). Do i give a damn? Nope...nil, zilch...i'd rather buy my 3-yr old cousin RM140-1,000 pieces jigsaw puzzles or splashed on phone bills... hehehhehehe...

Ops, did i tell u the bus can take me home in 1.5 hrs? Me, listening to the radio, reading my fave book and perhaps catch a nap? Heaven! ;)

Anthem from The Little Red Dot

Someone special sang me this song before i came back and i heard that again today. Lucky, today is wednesday and its my crying day. I almost cried and will do that wholeheartedly tonight. Gosh, i miss SY. He better missed me too as my little gift will accompany him whenever he goes for his cigarette breaks... hehheheh...how thoughtful arent i? Giving someone a licence to leave me in this world early? I miss him...and i like it when i miss him. I become a better person. Can i call him my good feng shui?

Sting & The Police - Every breath you take

Every breath you take, And every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
Ill be watching you

Every single day, And every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
Ill be watching you

Oh, cant you see, You belong to me?
How my poor heart aches, With every step you take
Every move you make, Every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
Ill be watching you

Since youve gone Ive been lost without a trace
I dream at night, I can only see your face
I look around, but its you I cant replace
I feel so cold, and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby please...

The art of poli(attac)king

I've just emerged from clouds of confusion in my workplace. Boy, am i relieved because being in a silent, hostile cold war zone wrecked your soul. Alhamdullilah...

Though i cant reveal much, all i can say we cant avoid politics, even in a family. Out of the war zone, i think we should always see the good side of people and not picking on the not-so-good ones, we should learn to confront and listen, we should strive not to personalise any issue and most importantly, we should accept, forgive and let go.

While walking through this war zone, i was astonished that people that arent so close to me have greater interest in me and start sharing their side of stories. Yet, i know i shouldnt get excited with such interest as we know, some people click with us for some agenda, we innocent minds never thought of. Then again, i should never regard it negatively. We should do what we want others to do to us too, right?

Amidst all these havocs, there are still people who think good of you, understand you, who always have your best interest in mind. These people make my day for the past 1 month.

The Great Dame of Permatang Pauh P44

I am always amazed with love story between DSAI and the Great Dame of P44. True love transcends any possible barrier. Love is never jealous nor love is blind. Love is inspiring and love is about making you more human. That is what i think of theirs.

While some quarters say that she has everything to gain being married to DSAI all these years, I dont think any hypocrite will remain as one for tens of years. She looks as beautiful - inside out - till today despite what she had gone through in the last ten years.

No man will succeed in his life if his marriage is in trouble. No man will stand tall and strong if not a woman standing by him, through thick and thin, for all that matters, for all that glory, for all that status, are meaningless if you cannot share with a woman you love. It is not the applause from a hall full of admirers that makes you happy but one from someone you love.

The Great Dame will always be my inspiration, especially in time when women are looked down for their feminine side, when people talked bad things to you, when you need to be the pillar of strength to your loved ones.

Datin Seri Wan Azizah, our prayers are with you. May God bless you always...