Monday, February 23, 2009

Little Women of Penang

Chu and Pak Busu have 3 lovely daughters - my 3 gals i addressed them as Little Women of Penang whenever i sent them letters. How we love exchanging letters, as they would come up with all sorts of karya seni for me and i, cards and bookmarks.

A week ago, Leena, the eldest of the Little Women, started her solo adulthood journey in Melbourne in pursuing her BA.Commerce before embarking on challenging path to become an actuarist. When Chu and Pak Busu went for Haj, Leena, who was only 10 back then, and I stayed up till the wee hours of the morning trading our life curiosities and wonderment. She is truly a deep thinker. Time really flies and now Leena has blossomed into a fine young lady with impeccable IQ and EQ to match. Chu and Pak Busu are surely proud of her. I know she will be fine down there as she can really cook great meals. I'm glad she sees that women must know how to cook no matter how successful she is.

Her younger sister, Nadhirah, is now doing her A-Level at Taylor's College while waiting for her SPM results. Her school magazine called Kak Yah, as she is fondly known to us, the most popular girl in Convent Greenlane. A head prefect like Leena, she's active in volleyball. Despite her looking the most athletic amongst the Little Women, Nadhirah is an asthmatic that she has to take various medications on daily basis, her housemates called her druggist hehhehe. A highly compassionate person, Nadhirah loves animals and when she was a little girl, she said she wanted to be the Vet. Now, Nadhirah is positioning herself to be a medical doctor. She has all the quality to be a great, humane doctor (for this breed of doctors is facing extinction in Malaysia). We will fetch Nadhirah from her college for a weekend at our abode - so called the sterile room by Chu and Nadhirah. Having her around, i can't help making myself busy preparing what she loves eating, packing foods for her and make sure she has sufficient fibre sources aka fruits and her beloved cucumber strips before sending her off on sunday. And I'm like a big sister 'ordering' her to change her towel and bedsheet every weekend and her telekung every fortnightly. I know Chu would want me to do that for Kak Yah but of course she doesn't have to say it.

Lisa, the youngest of the 3, was born when Chu was 6-month pregnant. It was pure magical to watch this young lady grows up, from when she was barely weighing half a kilo, spending her early months in the incubator at HUSM. Due to prolonged exposure to drugs to keep her alive in the incubator, Lisa was diagnosed with severe hepatitis. We had difficulties explaining why she couldn't share her utensils, food and drinks with others. At one point of time, the doctor told Chu and Pak Busu she won't survive to adulthood - that was heartbreaking moment. Alhamdullilah, after Chu and Pak Busu came back from Haj, Lisa was found to be free from that illness - makbul doa Chu and Pak Busu. Having super-achievers as her sisters give her pressure to achieve as great as them. So far, she lives up to that standard and will be attending Kursus Ketua Tingkatan this weekend. Mak always say that Lisa will do better than her sisters in PMR this year. Amin 44x.

I'm glad i could see how they grow up to be who they are now. To see sibling rivalry when they were small to being the best of sisters each of them could have - I'm glad i was part of that process in their life. Above all, i am proud that they become such sensible human beings.

Kak Yah never failed to sms me after we sent her back to college, thanking us for our super hospitality. I told her it is in our big family (so no way we faked that :P) and i wanted her to know that Allah always take great care of good people, regardless whether you are related or not by blood. As human beings, being kind to others is required for, not an option for you to choose - you must do good.

Wishing all the very best to my darling Little Women from Penang...Love you all, much!

When my little angel speaks his mind

Faris Haziq : Mama, I think baby is sick.

Mama Adlin : Why Faris, tell Mama please?

Faris Haziq : Because Baby never speak. He never call Mama and Papa. Baby never talk to me.

Mama Adlin : So, what do you think we need to do with Baby?

Faris Haziq : We bring Baby to see the doctor. Doctor will give baby medicines. After that, Baby will be OK.

When my sister called me in the middle of the day, i got worried - are my nephews not feeling well, etc. Alhamdulillah, everything was alright with them. It was my sister, Adlin, who wanted to share with me the 'deep' conversation she just had with his eldest son, my nephew. I was close to tears (yea yea yea, i'm a cry baby).

Hariz Firdaus a.k.a Baby was diagnosed with mild autism late last year. Alhamdullilah, we managed to detect this early considering others were only diagnosed when they were 7 years old. After visits to see the speech therapist and behavioural management specialist, Baby can now look at you when you called his name - Hariz.

But, you see, we never tell Faris that Baby has autism. I guess he gathered his thoughts about Baby while doing his jigsaw puzzles this morning with Adlin. His Mama told me he had been at it all day long.

Do you know how it feels when a little angel like Faris can have that kind of thinking and reasoning ability. Mind you, he is just 3.5 years old.

Perhaps, being surrounded by adults make Faris thinks and acts like one. Unlike his Mama, i am his devil advocate - he can do whatever he wishes to put his hands into. I let him helped me with preparing the vege and fish for our lunch. One time, he was asking me for a toothbrush so he could brush the fish's sharp teeth. He will remind me whether i would need to use coconut milk for my cooking - maybe due to its similarity to milk, he is 'infatuated' with santan. When i was on 4-hari 'berjoli' aka away from office, we baked oat honey cookies and raspberry jam tartlets. When dealing with little angles, expect messiness to the max but when you saw that small hands turning this dough into yummy cookies and seeing them 'serious at work', i bet you would allow them to turn your kitchen upside down. Faris said to me, after we finished baking, "it's fun Mak Long baking cookies. We should bake more". Oh God, i really adore him.

Being so close to his Mama, Faris helps Adlin to hang and fold the clothes, tidy up his toys so Baby won't fall down, mop or vacuum the floor. To see him doing that, without us asking, makes me feel proud of him because he is selfless, unlike many kids i met who are self-centred, kiasu and kiasi.

We first introduce jigsaw puzzles when he was 2 years old and you can see how he loved 'analysing the pieces' before seeing the big picture. He is indeed a patient and attentive soul. We believe it is good to let him know, early in his life, that nothing is easy in life.

He has this tendency of opening his statement with "well, actually..." when having conversation with us. We wonder where he got this from - his favourite Playhouse Disney Channel? Maybe. Because he love Kung Fu Panda' Everybody's kung-fu fighting' song, he even asked his Mama to teach him word by word the lyrics to that song. I told my sister to google and since then, he will say "Let's Google Mak Long" when i can't find anything. OMG, another google maniac in the family? :P

So like me when i was a kid, Faris doesn't like to talk over the phone - call it low self-esteem but we don't feel comfortable telling people what we have achieved today :) For us, achievement is nothing to be proud of but a responsibility.

Our next step for Faris is to send him to a kindy. Based on recce done by my sister on S_R, their aim for 4 year-old kids is to get them to know their A to Z and count from 1 to 10. hehehehehhe..Faris can beat that anytime. So, insya Allah he will start his kindy soon at this english montesorri that charge half the price of S_R and 20% of S_R annual fees. I am perplexed to know this. I was reading books when i was 4 so what's so great about S_R? much about brand power knowing malaysians are freaking sentiment-driven lots - you go to that shop because they are simply more people eating there despite the fact the food isn't good.

Anyway, my little angle speaks his mind today and that makes my hectic day so wonderful! May Allah bless him always.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

What these movies taught me...

For a non-TV/Movie junkie like me, spending hours (> 4 hours straight) was 'OMG'. I have to thank these movies, which have taught me (or perhaps allowing me to accept certain important facts in my life, graciously): -

1. "It's you"

Of all the standard and criteria i have (well, i don't believe in listing the must-haves), i should always be reminded that when it comes to marrying one, i have to fall in love with that special someone, with my heart - not because of his possession and disposition, not for his future but of his present and most importantly, he could bear listening to me reading anything (out loud) (which i found amusing and interesting) from Readers' Digest even when we are stucked in a bad traffic or he had a bad day at work :)

2. "Music and Lyric"

"Melody is like seeing someone - their physical and sexuality - and lyric is like knowing that person - of what makes this person".

The beauty of knowing is priceless for it makes me inspired even a bad day at work seems breezy.

Knowing is believing, so please, if you think you know me so well, you may continue with your unsolicited matchmaking efforts, to find me THE ONE and ONLY. Otherwise, please save me and yourself from unnecessary heartbreaks and disappointment, for i have broken too many a heart and i have seen too many friendship being abandoned, as a result.

p.s. Oh I love the chemistry this couple has - Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore - and even more knowing that they are such wonderful singers (just like Ewan McGregor, Nicole Kidman and Gwyneth Paltrow).

3. "Miss Porter"

I would agree that a woman at my age should get married and have kids of my own but please, a woman of my age should, most importantly, always remember that every single day that she has is special. What bliss a marriage can bring if sorrow and tears blanket your heart everyday?

They say the greatest thing in life is to love and be loved. There maybe times when THE ONE and ONLY passed on to the other side of the world or maybe when he hasn't cross my path, i would never let such emptiness, from his absence, to stop me from doing what i love and what i believe in. Love comes to those who live, to those who give and to those who believe.

4. "Becoming Jane"

Even in this century, women of independent minds may cause the opposite sex to has this unfounded inferiority complex. So be it, if one doesn't find it appropriate, which may result in me being a spinster, for i won't silent my thoughts and views for the sake of having my man next to me at annual dinners and making babies.

How much i love someone, i should always contemplate the appropriateness of such love being manifested in a marriage. Would your selfishness yearning to have his love, no matter what, be any good to others?

Above all, love should be unconditional.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

What makes us human?

1. 360 expose on DBKL's inhumane treatments to stray animals

I don't normally watched TV3 primarily due to Bule(tin kosong) that fills with propaganda, lies and deceptions - it sucks BIG time I forbid my intelligence (if any, even a spark) to be undermined by it. Since coming back from The Little Red Dot 7 months ago, i stopped watching even Bersamamu.

Last night Mak called me to watch 360 on TV3 because it had this follow-up report on inhumane actions of DBKL in killing the stray animals sent to their Klinik Kembiri in Setapak. I've been to that clinic, spaying Bong-go and neutering Adam and Kuang and i found the staff were very friendly, receptive and helpful. The treatments only cost me less than RM150 - a BIG discount compared to having my cats sterilised at private animal clinics. Well, what can i say i am stingy but for a good reason in this case - i thought i could save on the costs and get more stray cats near my house sterilised.

The image of dogs being strangled and dragged by DBKL personnel, while a few other dogs lying motionless brought torrents of tears to Mak and me. What more upon hearing that the stray cats brought to that centre were drowned in tubs and if they were found alive (still), they would be 'belasah sehingga mati'. A protest was staged outside the centre last saturday by concerned animal lovers. Nearby, they found a big hole filled with carcasses of these animals. Mak and me were speechless, we were soaked in tears, feeling betrayed by DBKL (mind you this centre is managed by Unit Kesihatan DBKL).

It was also mentioned by the activist at the protest that whoever who bring these helpless animals to centre will be paid RM30 for each animal. These animals would be kept for a week (in case owners to these animals turn up at the centre claiming their animals since some of the dogs wore collars which signify that they belong to someone). Later, they would be killed in inhumane manners. You know what was DBKL reason for this cruel actions? Oh, they ran out of drugs to put these animals to sleep.

It seems DBKL has changed its modus operandi in running its stray animal business - they pay those who brought in the animals and kill them for free, when it should be vice versa OMG, enough of this sick and sinful money making by DBKL. They spruce up KL with short-lived flowers that costs the tax payers millions a year (SG plant cheap daun kaduk along their pathways) , they put more street lights (when we already have many yet non-functional, cosmetic purposes only) and they love changing the tiles to the pathways when they are still OK (but of course, no matter how many times they changed, the workmanship is still as shoddy and still the wrong type of tiles which are hazardous for pedestrians).

Ya Allah, how low can they stoop as human beings? These people in DBKL are mostly malays, and by birth in this nation, they are muslims. Are we muslims so cruel, just like how westerners portray us as terrorists?

I sincerely beg, you out there, of good heart and clear conscience, please start treating stray animals in a way any rightful god creation deserves, treat another living creature with care and dignity. Again, i love to share Mahatma Gandhi's view on this matter: "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way it treats its animals". At our current level, we are definitely at the bottom rang.


2. So, what makes us human?

My Google findings tell me that what makes us humans are mostly based on how we are nurtured. So, perhaps we could start being a good example to our young ones. I am disturbed to notice that many children today are brought up to be kiasu and kiasi. If they start thinking being self-centred is how to 'pass' this life successful, how do we expect them to treat these animals kindly?

I chanced upon this article by Mr Troy Chapman, who is incarcerated at Kinross Correctional Facility in Kincheloe, Michigan, USA, for a second-degree murder in 1985.- "Caring makes us human", which succinctly says it all -

"When the scruffy orange cat showed up in the prison yard, I was one of the first to go out there and pet it. I hadn't touched a cat or a dog in over 20 years. I spent at least 20 minutes crouched down by the Dumpster behind the kitchen as the cat rolled around and luxuriated beneath my attention. What he was expressing outwardly I was feeling inwardly.

It was an amazing bit of grace to feel him under my hand and know that I was enriching the life of another creature with something as simple as my care. I believe that caring for something or someone in need is what makes us human.

Over the next few days, I watched other prisoners responding to the cat. Every yard period, a group of prisoners gathered there. They stood around talking and taking turns petting the cat. These were guys you wouldn't usually find talking to each other. Several times I saw an officer in the group — not chasing people away, but just watching and seeming to enjoy it along with the prisoners.

Bowls of milk and water appeared, along with bread, wisely placed under the edge of the Dumpster to keep the sea gulls from getting it. The cat was obviously a stray and in pretty bad shape. One prisoner brought out his small, blunt-tipped scissors, and trimmed burrs and matted fur from his coat.

People said, "That cat came to the right place. He's getting treated like a king." This was true. But as I watched, I was also thinking about what the cat was doing for us.

There's a lot of talk about what's wrong with prisons in America. We need more programs; we need more psychologists or treatment of various kinds. Some even talk about making prisons more kind, but I think what we really need is a chance to practice kindness ourselves. Not receive it, but give it.

After more than two decades here, I know that kindness is not a value that's encouraged. It's often seen as weakness. Instead the culture encourages keeping your head down, minding your own business and never letting yourself be vulnerable.

For a few days a raggedy cat disrupted this code of prison culture. They've taken him away now, hopefully to a decent home — but it did my heart good to see the effect he had on me and the men here. He didn't have a Ph.D., he wasn't a criminologist or a psychologist, but by simply saying, "I need some help here," he did something important for us. He needed us — and we need to be needed. I believe we all do.


3. Adopt a miracle

And then i found Puan Yasmin Ahmad's "The Storyteller" blogpost here, which makes my day because it involves about caring for animal and a true story about an autistic boy, Adlan. These calls are so closed to my heart.

p.s. My youngest nephew is diagnosed with a mild autism late last year after we noticed that he didn't response to us calling his name and not uttering a clear word, let alone calling his mama and papa. I found out that autistic person could be very good at computers and drawing, which is clearly seen in 2-year old Nur Hariz Firdaus. Now, autism is so prevalent in Malaysia. Perhaps, i will share more on this matter close to my heart, one day.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Saved by ...hopes

First thing i did when i got to my sis' place last friday was hit the bed and tried to sleep. That was easy considering that i was having a fever and i hadn't sleep well for the past 2 weeks. For the next 18 hours, I was in my own world - it feels like my kind of heaven for a while.

I was too distraught of what happened in Perak because i believed all this while in the high integrity and knowledge of the royal family - the last bastion of royal conscience in our Ibupertiwi. I, like many others, was fooled. For all the right notes spoken lately on how this country should be managed, i wonder what went wrong in their thick head (apparently). Was it the prospect of making big bucks through WCE and NCER, for instance? Was it a blackmail? What would be the effect to our judiciary system - would they be strong enough to handle Ir. Nizar's suits against you-know-who? I wish i could write more about my thought-provoking opinions on raja melayu but nanti Si Botak AlBlur keluar order ISA to 'protect' la...

Alhamdullilah, Chu and family spent 2 nights at our place. I, also known as the chief cook of the abode, had to fine tune (twice) the taste of her foods being served throughout their stay with us - symptom of a worried, broken heart shutting all her senses. I told Pak Busu that I am nursing a fever resulted from the Perak debacle (yes, i am THAT emotional).

He got one great advice for me : save yourself from ulcer and gastric (like me, he would get these when he's stressed up with our politics). The world is too much for us to worry about but never lose hope that one day, justice will prevail. Always take comfort that when you go home everyday, you go back to your family and loved ones who share the same values you wish this nation is built on. Let's spread these good values, not merely by talking, writing about them, most importantly, live the values. Some people nowadays think they are holier-than-thou as they have performed the fardhu ain yet their fardhu kifayah is often neglected, since their fardhu ain gives them no benefits whatsoever for them to act justly, conscientiously, humanely as the khalifah in their family, organisation and community.

Pak Busu has many opportunities to treat politicians, and of course, only B(e)N(d) politikus can afford endless visits to Island Hospital. He told that sometimes these politikus look so frail in health yet when it comes to politics, they had enough energy to show how despicable their actions could be, sucked to the corrupted system they (and their generations) need to survive - materially (how sad).

p.s. i got my first gastric in 1998 - on the day i queued to get into the court for DSAI's hearing and the worst gastric attack i ever had was a week before GE12. It's always politics but hey, i'm not complaining. In fact, i thank Allah for that experience - when you know the nikmat of makan and tidur - simply.

I can say I am recuperating now. What i thought could be THE END (of course the end is nigh for B(e)n(d)) , the recent turmoil in Perak injects much rigours and spirits to my soul, thanks to Pak Busu for allowing me to see the blessing in disguise.

Indeed, i am saved by the hopes for a better me, a better family, a better community and a better Ibupertiwi.

Come to think how badly affected i was with the turmoil, i wonder how Ir Nizar and his family are holding up to this. Being a good face (and body language) reader, I know he's as strong as ever. He's indeed the politician to watch as commended by Anil Netto. May Allah bless him and his family always, as always. With B(e)N(d) getting so desperate, you can guess what kind of things they could do to these politicians who stand for us.

p.s. I think it's pure BULLSHIT if PKR wants us to think that this crisis happened after their ADUN were 'kidnapped' by B(e)N(d). What a sad tactic trying to make us pity those trojan horses. I wish Pakatan Rakyat will screen their reps - thoroughly. Like doctors and lawyers, we should allow only the reliable and capable people to represent and save our lives!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Quotable Quotes

These quotes are taken from movies i watched during my 1-week berjoli


1. "Only dead fish go with the flow of the river"

2. "To love the sinner, but hate the sins"

3. "To assume the best in people, and not the worst"

4. "To believe that anyone, no matter how evil, can be redeemed... eventually"

p.s. It crossed my mind of what happened to the Late Kugan (may his soul RIP), who died in the police custody (no one deserved to die under watchful eye of our Police F(a)rce), of Allahyarhamah Mona Fendi (may her soul be amongst those forgiven by Allah, the most compassionate), of the panic manic bandwagon (i have to deal with, at least, for the next 16 months Ya Allah, please give me strength).

p.p.s. I've never come across anyone close to Lord Frank Longford in Malaysia, who saw politics less as a career and more as part of a moral crusade. Lord Longford died in 2001 at the age of 95.

"Dead Poets Society"

1. "We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for"

2. "Don't just jump off like lemmings! Take a look around!"

3. "Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference"

4. "... carpe diem, seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary"

5. "This is a battle, a war, and the casualties could be your hearts and souls"

6. "I stand upon my desk to remind myself that we must constantly look at things in a different way"

7. "Boys, you must strive to find your own voice. Because the longer you wait to begin, the less likely you are to find it at all. Thoreau said, "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation." Don't be resigned to that. Break out!"

p.s. one of main reasons watching Dead Poets Society is to ooh and aah for Robert Lawrence Leonard, the main student character in that movie. He's currently acting as Dr. James Wilson in House. I found out he's born on 28/02/1969. Somehow, i can be subconsciously attracted to another Pisces, like him and Josh Groban and not forgetting Dame Elizabeth Taylor.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

No Silver Lining in Perak

I wish i could fly up to Ipoh because I want to join other concerned citizens of our Ibu Pertiwi, along with our fellow Perakians, to show our solidarity support for people-elected PR State Government.

It is a sad day: -

1. For democracy, for it being ignored in a state helmed by royal family duly informed of legality,trampled down with sinful money thrown in by B(e)N(d).

2. For people's voice being ignored when the ones to be served by the state government are the people, not the political parties or any other parties with interests.

3. For Perak Heinous 4' dignity being so dirt cheap, B(e)N(d) could just throw in some sinful money to make them have a change of heart.

4. For parents out there who brought up monsterous politicians, walking on this world as if others owe them a princely living, with no regards what so ever to the good values of the religion they say they embraced to.

I'm not a Perakian but why i feel this emotional?

For the time being, i take comfort in last para from Tuan Guru Nik Aziz's statement on "Raja dan Demokrasi" dated today in relation to Perak political turmoil: -

"Ingatlah, Allah Maha Berkuasa diatas segala sesuatu dan Allah tidak akan berpihak kepada pihak yang berbuat kezaliman. Sebaliknya, Allah akan menurunkan bantuan kepada mereka yang dikhianati dan mereka yang ditindas. Firman Allah S.W.T. bermaksud : “Maka orang-orang yang zalim itu dimusnahkan sampai ke akar-akarnya. Segala Puji Bagi Allah Tuhan semesta Alam.” (Surah Al An’aam: Ayat 45)".

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Corporate Bullies

p.s. The following was extracted from Newsweek here. We are born to be leaders – if not for a corporation or a nation, we are leaders in our own family. We shall not be the sadistic bullies. Leaders should listen to his people, inspire for them to achieve their goals and aspirations, fast-thinking to solve issues and evolve to accommodate responsibility to his people and demands of his people (L.I.F.E).

Corporate Bullies

Some executives find an aggressive style helps them claw to the top, but they often can't sustain their reign.

We all know our fair share of corporate bullies—the managers who abuse power, yell, harass and micromanage their way through life. Usually their office antics breed resentment, sabotage, "mental health days" and costly turnover.

But some executives notorious for their abrasive styles—the Steve Jobs, Harvey Weinsteins and Barry Dillers of the world—are hailed as luminaries, breaths of fresh air for stale industries.

So what separates the sadists from the wunderkinds? In short, the silver-backed gorilla.

Sadists throw their weight around gratuitously, and relish the chance to watch underlings squirm. In contrast, the silver-backed gorilla will beat his chest, break branches, flash his teeth and charge—but all in the interest of protecting his troop. He secures food, mediates conflicts and provides safety, so lesser gorillas put up with his antics. His fictional counterpart is Don Corleone. In corporate America, it may be Martha Stewart

It may be better for a prince (as in the corporate leader) to be feared than loved. But, says Harvard Business School Professor Joseph Nye, "we sometimes forget that the opposite of love is not fear but hatred. And Machiavelli made it clear that hatred is something a prince should carefully avoid.

My kind of PM


Dear Mr. Recep Tayyip Erdogan

While the western world continues to harshly criticise you for storming out of the Gaza session with the Zionist Regime President, ShimonPeres in Davos last week, I am impressed with your courage to stand up against the silent world leaders for the massacre in Gaza.

People may think you are being over emotional about Gaza because you, acting voluntarily as a peace mediator for the Zionist Regime and Palestine, failed to seal the peace process. I have to agree with you that the moderator's biased treatment towards you (by not giving you the floor to speak) and the senile Peres pointing his fingers at you while raising his voice during the discussion are sure signs of disrespect to your country and your people in particular and generally, as a sign that they don't give a damn to any Muslim leaders.

Even Mr. Ban Ki-Moon thinks the moderator was unfair. With this kind of response, hopefully UN will provide relevant supports for you to spearhead this mammoth mission for justice in Gaza soon.

I sincerely hope you will remain optimistic and strong to pull Palestine out of its endless misery. May Allah enlightens other muslim leaders to assist you - in whatever avenues they can.

How I wish my beloved country has a PM like you, Sir - instead of being a disgrace, he should uphold the dignity of his country and people.

Dear Sir, may Allah bless you and the good people of Turkey, always.

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Biology of Dating

I found Linda Fay Powell's painting i bought in Longsight, Manchester, 14 years ago with my notion of finding Mr Right written down on it: -


A woman wants the man in her life to be: -

1. A true equal

2. Someone who respects her strength

3. Someone who treats her weakness with kindness and expects her to do the same for him

In short, she wants: -

1. A friend

2. A lover

3. A partner

who understands her....


Shish...are those traits THAT difficult to find in a man for the past 2 decades since I am still single and available? (hehehehhehe...I might be the one having the wrong traits).
I came across this article on - The Biology of Dating: Why Him, Why Her? based on an interview with Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, who recently published a book called "Why Him, Why her : Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type". Trained as a biochemist, i found this new idea of finding THE ONE so appealing.

Basically, there are 2 parts of personality - 1. character, which is everything you grew up to believe, do and think, and 2. temperament, which is your inherited traits. Ms Fisher's book looks into the latter's role of biology in mate selection.

She breaks down people into 4 temperaments, based on certain brain chemicals (which ranges from one individual to another) and associates each temperament with distinctive traits - namely: -

1. People who express dopamine (commonly associated with the pleasure system of the brain) are called Explorers, who tend to be risk-takers, curious, creative, impulsive, optimistic and energetic.

2. People who express serotonin (molecule of happiness) are known as Builders for they are cautious yet not fearful, calm, traditional, community-oriented, persistent and loyal.

3. People with testosterone (plays a key role in health and well-being) expression are Directors, who tend to be very analytical, decisive, tough-minded, like to debate and can be aggressive.

4. People who express estrogen (significantly higher in female, this hormone, amongst others, regulates production of stress hormone (cortisol) and structural developments) are Negotiators who are broadminded, imaginative, compassionate, intuitive, verbal, nurturing, altruistic and idealistic.

Sometimes, people could be a combination of 2 temperaments.

This concept could work both ways - it could either be of "birds of same feather flock together" (so they can pursue the same passion and values) or "the opposite attracts" (for instance, an explorer, brought up by explorer's parents, will find a sense of stability in conscientious Builder).

For an accurate temperament test (via blood test), you have to be drug-free as anabolic steroids, Ritalin and Prozac (read:depression), (cocaine) etc. could alter your brain chemistry.

So, how do you know whether he or she is THE ONE? By identifying him/her with certain temperament, we could reach out to him/her easily as you share the same idea of intimacy and outlooks on life.

What if you have found THE ONE and have settled down? This test allows you to understand where the pitfalls are going to be and how to avoid them.

Ms Fisher throws a word of caution though for those who wanted to fall in love - get off drugs before you fall in love and marry the person after that very early intense stage of love has worn off (i can say at least 6 months - 2 cycles of crush elimination). Timing and proximity is also vital in mate selection (so, where art thou my dear?).

For the fun of this, you may want to try it. I wont buy the book because reading it surely tensed me up (macam nak ambik periksa je;P) hehehhe and that is definitely not good for my brain chemicals.

p.s. I think I'm Miss Explorer and Negotiator.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Angel 2

I was told by Chu yesterday that Chik Aya is in terminal stage of cancer. All we could do now is to provide her with all available chance for her to fight this and make sure she is well taken care of. We hope that she know how much we love her.

How does it fell like that your days in this world are numbered? How would you spend them? i told my mom that i'd be happy to know that i have a limited lifespan that i could repent, seek forgiveness from Allah and people around me, make necessary plans so they will be well take care of once i'm gone. I also want to make sure i've fulfilled my purpose sent into this world.

My Tok passed away due to auto-accident - 100 metres away from his house of 60 years and was in his best health. A few months before, he told me that he's getting bored living this long for all his generation has gone to the Afterworld - he's lonely. His books were his love since my grandma passed away 45 years ago but like all human beings, connection with another human being is vital. My Tok is 'cerewet' and even some of his children who live near his house couldn't get along really well with him. Sadly, those whom he can really talk to - me, my mom and Chu - live outside Kota Tinggi. It really upset me that people sometimes are too consumed with their angers over petty matters that they rather burn the bridge into someone's heart. When I miss my Tok, i'd read his books and notes in Jawi. I can still smell him every time i do that.

My Tok came into Chu's dreams last few weeks. Chu thought that she will die - well, that's what most people believe when someone from the Afterworld pays you a visit in your dreams. I guess he was trying to tell Chu about Chik Aya.