Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Forces To Be Reckoned With

Suspension of the above forces to be reckoned with does not make me sad. Everything happens for good reasons and their suspension just shows how insecured BN government is. This suspension further aggravates the existence of BN in near future, now the snap poll is just around the corner.

An injustice somewhere is an injustice everywhere, BN.

Meanwhile, I call upon my fellow brothers and sisters to do what Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "Great hearts steadily send forth the secret forces that incessantly draw great events".

May the forces be with us, all!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Fi-sha's Cat

I've recently moved to a new place, somewhere near my sister's place so my parents could be near to her and their other two grandchildren, my First and Second Angel. It took me less than a day to decide and made necessary arrangement to move in. Last night, the landlord came over and he was happy to see that now his house is well taken care of and feels so much homey. All credits go to Mak and Ayah refuse to 'chill out a bit' (Read: they surely don't have have to mop, vacuum the whole unit and wipe every single surface every single day since I ain't longer a little child, rummaging through my 'toys', doing my handcrafts with paper cuts and pencil lying all around nor walking around the house with muddy feet :D but since OCD runs in the family, I succumb to 'their obsession').

Our house, somewhere near some peak of the universe, is still almost fully furnished (which makes me tinkering around the idea of homestay or rental to the growing population of nearby university's professionals) with my cats and garden fending their ownselves. Frankly, I never failed to pray for their wellbeings every day but of course, I still worry for them, especially Mulan.

Mulan came along into our family 10 years ago. Although I could sleep like a log through blaring sounds and glaring lights, her meow-ing woke me up around 2.30 am. I peeped through my window and saw a grey-and-white kitten of 4 months old. Her meow-ing grew louder as she set her piercing eyes on mine and started to climb up the wall successfully and let herself in. I may look cruel yet I have softest spot for animals. So, i carried her to the kitchen, poured her some biscuits and she devoured it with such gutso. Later, after she 'cleaned up' her face with those cute paws, she helped herself onto my bed and found her place in between my legs. And the rest is history. Today, Mulan is a dominant female around the house, a stubborn and tempestuous lone ranger (just like her owner - :D we mirror each other!) - who remains the only cat that could climb up to my 2nd-floor room every single day, without much efforts considering her voluptuous size.

Today, I miss her immensely as I look at innocent-looking-yet-mischiveous Simon's Cat.

Mulan would breathe down my face, every morning, after her roll-like-a-ball sleeping in between my legs. It is normal to wake up to a well-chewed mobile charger, fur balls in my hair and my cats and ducks figurines all over the floor.

Mulans, most of the time, thinks she's a school-going kid, who enjoy clawing my books as part of her daily ritual.

If I watched telly, she would sit next to me and look me deep in the eyes, as if implying to me rudely that I better spend my time looking at her, instead of the telly.

Mulans' a hard day's night - sometimes I wonder what was she doing when i was away for work when she sleeps like that.

Such an attention seeker, she just loves putting that kind of act on top of things I want to use.
She is quite obsessed with boxes and bags - places for her to curl her body. Well, not before making sure they will treat her well.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Sexed Up Political Games

A week ago, Hillary Clinton and her colleagues were ‘humiliated’ with Wikileaks’ US Embassy cables exposé. From snaky Saudi Arabia to China’s Politburo ‘Google Invasion’, Libya’s blondie influence to Russian gangland-style administration, the cables just show how sick the world’s diplomatic liaison is being carried out – all in the name of insecurity (thanks to TMI for this).

Not surprisingly, Wikileaks’ exposé, for me, is a bigger picture of Malaysian politics – the crude, the rude and the brute of the ultimate power in this country.

And not surprisingly enough, Wikileaks’ founder, Julian Assange is now being charged and held in custody for 2 sexual crimes in Sweden. In Malaysia, Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim is being tried, for the second time, on sodomy charges.

Somehow, regardless whether you are a Superpower like USA or a first-class-infrastruture-third-world-mentality Malaysia, sex charges are the fastest route to ‘assassinate’ a character. In the case of Mr. Assange, I am not sure how the prosecutor team would justify sex without consent, as purported by the 2 Swedish ladies. As for Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, Attorney General’s team is yet to produce credible evidence in court.

Such dubious sex crime cases would take years to set aside and in the meantime, dirty hands of political power would continue to linger on our system. As a result, even after 110% hard and earnest works by a handful of people who fight for better changes for us, the Rakyat, progress of idea and action is too minimal to notice and for us, the lazy bums, we will start to cry out our disappointment for their lack of political power to push through reforms, which had been manifestoed during the last election. We would feel cheated by this handful of people, who work 24/7/365 and thus, allow ourselves to be cheated – again and again - by the current ruling party – no matter how ridiculous they could be.

Unfortunately, as it is today, no matter how civilized and educated we wish to be recognized as by others, we remain primitive when it comes to sex as we allow our conscience to be numbed by some low-living power-hungry political beings.

Instead of sexed up political games, it is high time for us to seize the power up by lending our weight (that is our brain and brawn) to the right cause, just like Wikileaks.

Instead of retreating, its Infowarriors and Wikisleuths gain more momentum than ever before as the fight to uphold justice and abhor two-timing, double-standard human rights is the right thing to do.

Note: In 2003, Oxford Mini Dictionary to words and phrases has included ‘Sex Up’ in its publication. This phrase carries the meaning of "to enhance something to give it greater appeal or impact", after Andrew Gilligan, a British journalist, used it during a celebrated BBC Today program in May 2003, accusing British government of 'sexing up' intelligence reports on Iraq.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Hijrah - The Real One

A few days ago, Mak told me that when Rasulullah (PBUH) went for his Hijrah from Makatul Mukarramah to Madinataul Munawarra 1432 years ago, he had his Hijrah planned extremely well. Despite him being Kholilullah (Allah’s Beloved), Rasulullah (PBUH) took responsibilities putting strategies together to ensure his Hijrah’s mission succeeds. This mission was planned as he was advised of a plot of his assassination by his own Quraish people, whom had been persecuting Muslims.

One night, he slipped away along with Abu Bakar As Siddiq. They took food barely enough for them to survive a grueling 200-mile walking across desert. They ensured their footsteps were wiped out by a shepherd, taking a strange route, which had been recce’d by his fellow friends. Once, they hid in the cave as the Quraish people were closing on them. A trusted messenger brought them news and while many did not know of the first Hijrah, even amongst the supporters, they made sure the families they left behind won’t tell of their whereabouts.

Only after taking such calculated measures, Rasulullah (PBUH) prayed right through, asking Allah for guidance and protection so that he could accomplish his goals, to safeguard the interest of Muslims from evil Quraish people, who felt threatened by growing influence of Rasulullah (PBUH) towards Amal Makruf Nahi Mungkar (a call to maintain what is right and forbid what is wrong).

Above all, Rasulullah’s (PBUH) Hijrah started with an intention (niat) – to sincerely perform such risky Hijrah all in the name of Allah. No one would know our intention so it is important that we continue to assess our ingenuity and establish our purpose and meaning in life.

Without all those measures taken, Islam would not be where it is now, far beyond parochial politics played by the Quraish people, to hold on to their power, even if it means to torture and kill innocent people.

The soul to a Hijrah is not in actions taken to mobilize our plans towards our goals. It lies with our intention.

Like any other roads less traveled, beautifully worded by Robert Frost, a Hijrah requires unconditional love for a Hijrah never promised anything but it requires everything. Yet, for an iota of goodness it brings in our heart, a Hijrah makes all the difference.

It’s time to Hijrah – for real.

This Ain't Monday Blues

No, this ain't monday blues though I think I would die one fine day from cancer. My sister brought it to my attention last weekend as I sprayed my room yet again in my quest to heavenly-smelling room.

Here's why.

I'm addicted to air freshener! My latest 'obsession' is Airwick Aqua Mist in Lavender. If I was to represent myself in a sports, my sister would definitely have an image of me balancing an essential oil burner on my right and air freshener aerosol tin on my left, with a motto, "Smell No Evil" across my nose.

Not only i kill myself softly and slowly, by inhaling them, I too pollute the environment. In a way, I kill both you and me! Yicks!

Now that i realised I could be dead by such horrendous illness, I am not sure I would give up on such treat-or-trick air fresheners anytime soon unless someone could help me plant lavenders by the balcony and in pots.

Suddenly, I can imagine myself at par with smokers and UMNO politicians. It is damn hard getting rid of obsession to sweet smelling air, cigarettes or power. But, try we must.

Say NO to overdose!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Wuquf: Its significance

Mak says, "If we befriend a perfume seller, we too would smell as nice as the perfume he/she sells".

So, that is how I get hooked to Anuar Zain's "Ketulusan Hati", which is frequently featured on OASIS 106. As I don't really enjoy watching telly, I somehow make a point to sit down and watch telly with Mak, thus, explains my liking towards the song as that channel is one of those prominent ones tune in by my parents.

It was reported that the singer allows ASTRO to air his videoclip FOC and I think that is really kind of him to do so. May Allah bless him and his loved ones.

That song has a beautiful music to match its meaningful lyrics, which I seem to draw its similarities with Khalil Gibran's "Love" poem. Not surprisingly, it is 100% made in Indonesia (composed and written by Indonesians and recorded in one of those great Indonesian studios).

For this year's Haj season, Abang Man and Mr. Dnightcaller had been called to perform one of the "Five Pillars of Islam". So, listening to that song and thinking about them never fails to make me cry.

The image of a man crying while performing Wuquf in that videoclip remains a heart-thugging reminder to me as the following articles on Wuquf explains its significance in Haj and in our daily lives. From Allah, we come from, to Him we shall return and only from Him we could ask strength and guidance to give meaning and perform responsibilities we have been bestowed upon when we came into this world.

"Wuquf in Arafat" By Abu Haneef

On the 9th of Zul Hijjah,Wuquf in Arafat is performed from Zuhur to sunset. The main action in Wuquf is not to pray lots of Nafls but to stand facing the Haram asking Allah (swt) for forgiveness while recognizing Him as our Lord.

The Prophet said, "Al Hajju Arafah," meaning that standing in Arafat is the Hajj. Why?

To answer this, we must first understand the first Wuquf that all of us performed in front of Allah (swt).

"O Prophet, remind mankind about the incident when your Rabb brought into existence the offspring from the loins of Adam and his descendants (virtually each single individual of mankind) and made them testify about themselves. Allah asked them: “Am I not your Rabb?”

They all replied: “Yes! We bear witness that You are.” This We did, less you mankind should say on the Day of Resurrection: “We were not aware of this fact that You are our Rabb and that there will be a Day of Judgment” [7:172]

This happened when Allah (swt) gathered us all in one large assembly before the birth of any of us. It is also very important to note that this event took place when Man was made Allah’s vicegerent (khalifa) on this earth. At that time, Allah (swt) asked the rhetorical question "Am I not your Rabb?" By replying “Yes”, we have established a covenant with Allah (swt) to accept only Him as our Lord.

In other words, He made sure that as Khalifa we don’t forget the real owner, and act as if we are the owners.

Satan, the accursed, also resolved that he would persuade Man to take his own desires as his god or have Man worship someone other than Allah (swt).

Herein lies the significance of Hajj. Wuquf in Arafat is really the place where we go through the process of once again recognizing our Lord. It is no coincidence that Arafat means recognition.

This is the real significance of Hajj.

We assess our past. We ask for His forgiveness, and resolve to worship only Allah (swt), to stop accepting others as our Lord, and if necessary, to take action to change those who deny Allah (swt) and worship others or enforce other unjust systems.

"Wuquf Qalbi" by Ubaidullah Al-Ahrar

This means to direct the heart of the seeker towards the Divine Presence, where he will not see other than his Beloved One. It means to experience His Manifestation in all states. Ubaidullah al-Ahrar said, "The state of Awareness of the Heart is the state of being present in the Divine Presence in such a way that you cannot look to anyone other than Him."

In such a state one concentrates the place of Dhikr inside the heart because this is the center of power. All thoughts and inspirations, good and bad, are felt and appear one after another, circling and alternating, moving between light and dark, in constant revolution, inside the heart. Dhikr is required in order to control and reduce that turbulence of the heart.

Note: As nature takes its course (Read: As i grow older), like most people, I, too find getting closer to the Almighty as one of very few things that make ones feel contented. God has created such urgency in everyone after they have reached certain age to long for grace of God because as we grow mature, we cannot run away from being a good role model to the young ones. I believe, fundamentals of life can be found in teachings of all religions.

Net Present Value of Our Happiness

Last month, David Cameron’s government was poised to start measuring people's psychological and environmental wellbeing, bidding to be among the first countries to officially monitor happiness. What a great coincidence that now he has to face his extremely-not-happy youngsters on his plan to triple its higher education tuition fees at the back of his coalition government’s offer to loan Ireland some hefty Billions, when most hardcore Irish people feel that Brian Cowen is more than capable to not to call for EU and IMF’s financial assistance.

I feel their pain, having to surrender their pride and dignity to capitalistic, inhumane IMF.

What irks me, like my fellow British and Irish people, is not so much of financial uncertainty we are facing but more of how we manage such uncertainties. From what we have seen so far, they – the ruling party – always get their priorities wrong. Take for instance, the proposal to build 100-storey high Menara Warisan, which is touted to bring long-term gain to us, when we are facing with ever-increasing costs of living, dog-eating labour laws and degrading education and health system. I am not sure how such gain, if any, would be enjoyed by us, common people because like all mega-projects we have so far, their promoters would get their ‘commission’ upfront, regardless if such projects are not viable. Well, look at how many Millions spent on ETP – that were just hard-earned moneys spent on putting ideas on the drawing board and getting them presented to us. There is no guarantee that the said plans would carry any holistic impact on our economy and our lives.

Like marriages, some people get their goals wrong. They get hitched, thinking that along some years spent together and a baby or two in tow, their other halves would change into better, complimenting partners.

Happiness cannot be counted on future undertakings, unlike how we compute NPV of a long-term project. Happiness cannot be delayed. It must be created and experienced now.

But what is happiness anyway? Is it a sense of completeness we achieved upon having everything? If that is so, how come so many rich people are behaving badly – a sign of their discontentment of what they have and insecurity of what they haven’t got?

Happiness is both relative and superlative, for me.

It is relative because I am happy just to have things and people that give meaning to my life, when I don’t have much to offer. So, happiness is as simple as we want it to be.

It is superlative because by being happy myself, I make others happy too and most of the time, impacts of such happiness shared are phenomenal and life-changing. Thus, happiness is life’s supreme goal.

Dalai Lama says, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion”.

But, is happiness really THAT matter? It is when you go through the following 100 simple secrets of happy people, especially when we are going through the next difficult decade. Happiness gives values to everything we do and happiness is never about our wellbeing. As our lives are interconnected, happiness is always about wellbeing of people around us.

1. Your Life Has Purpose and Meaning
2. Use a Strategy for Happiness
3. You Don't Have to Win Every Time
4. Your Goals Should Be Aligned with One Another
5. Choose Your Comparisons Wisely
6. Cultivate Friendships
7. Turn Off the TV
8. Accept Yourself—Unconditionally
9. Remember Where You Came From
10. Limit Yourself to Thinking About One Subject as You Lie Down to Sleep
11. Friendship Beats Money
12. Have Realistic Expectations
13. Be Open to New Ideas
14. Share with Others How Important They Are to You
15. If You're Not Sure, Guess Positively
16. Believe in Yourself
17. Don't Believe in Yourself Too Much
18. Don't Face Your Problems Alone
19. Age Is Not to Be Feared
20. Develop a Household Routine
21. Don't Be Overprotective
22. Pay Attention. You May Have What You Want
23. Don't Let Your Religious Beliefs Fade
24. Do What You Say You Are Going to Do
25. Don't Be Aggressive with Your Friends and Family
26. Root for the Home Team
27. Don't Confuse Stuff with Success
28. Every Relationship Is Different
29. Don't Think "What If"
30. Volunteer
31. If You Can't Reach Your Goals, Your Goals Will Hurt You
32. Exercise
33. Little Things Have Big Meanings
34. It's Not What Happened, It's How You Think About What Happened
35. Develop Some Common Interests with Loved Ones
36. Laugh
37. Don't Let Your Entire Life Hinge on One Element
38. Share of Yourself
39. Busy Is Better Than Bored
40. Satisfaction Is Relative
41. Learn to Use a Computer
42. Try to Think Less About the People and Things That Bother You
43. Keep Your Family Close
44. Eat Some Fruit Every Day
45. Enjoy What You Have
46. Think in Concrete Terms
47. Be Socially Supportive
48. Don't Blame Yourself
49. Be a Peacemaker
50. Cherish Animals
51. Make Your Work a Calling
52. Never Trade Your Morals for Your Goals
53. Don't Pretend to Ignore Things Your Loved Ones Do That Bother You
54. Get a Good Night's Sleep
55. Buy What You Like
56. Accomplish Something Every Day
57. Be Flexible
58. Events Are Temporary
59. Be Your Own Fan
60. Join a Group
61. Be Positive
62. There Will Be An End, but You Can Be Prepared
63. How We See the World Is More Important Than How the World Is
64. Keep a Pen and Paper Handy
65. Help the Next Person Who Needs Some Minor Assistance
66. Take Care Not to Harshly Criticize Family and Friends
67. Some People Like the Big Picture, and Others Like the Details
68. Do Things You Are Good At
69. Go Visit Your Neighbor
70. Smile
71. Don't Accept Television's Picture of the World
72. You Always Have a Choice
73. Be Agreeable
74. Don't Ignore One Part of Your Life
75. Listen to Music
76. Let Your Goals Guide You
77. Use Your Job Positively
78. Don't Forget to Have Fun
79. Believe in Ultimate Justice
80. Reminisce
81. Be Conscientious
82. Don't Dwell on Unwinnable Conflicts
83. Enjoy the Ordinary
84. Focus Not on the World's Tragedies, but on the World's Hope
85. Get a Hobby
86. Envying Other People's Relationships Is Pointless
87. Give Yourself Time to Adapt to Change
88. Focus on What Really Matters to You
89. Realize that Complete Satisfaction Does Not Exist
90. Surround Yourself with Pleasant Aromas
91. Don't Let Others Set Your Goals
92. You Are a Person, Not a Stereotype
93. Know What Makes You Happy and Sad
94. Keep Reading
95. We Must Feel Needed
96. Say "So What"
97. Have a Purpose
98. You Have Not Finished the Best Part of Your Life
99. Money Does Not Buy Happiness
100. What Does It All Mean? You Decide

Note: My warmest, sincerest appreciation to Sir Walla, who is benevolent enough to take time to find and share this E-book with me, from which I have extracted the secrets of happy people I listed above. May God bless him and his beloved family always.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Winner Stands Alone

I grabbed Paulo Coelho's latest book, "The Winner Stands Alone", during one of my rare weekend outings about a month ago (weekend, for me, is time to stay home doing homey things). Romantic at heart, I was struggling reading its first chapter - no thanks to Igor, the Russian Billionaire (I imagined him looking like Putin). He is on the pursuit of 'destroying a universe' (Read: Killing people) to make his ex-wife realised that leaving him for another man is the biggest mistake! At one point of my life, I, too, had a strong urge to cause such grievous actions on others so that they could see how hurt I was (thankfully, I was sane enough to realise things always happen for good reasons. If not now, later).

But as I progressed with this book, like many other admirers of Paulo Coelho's works, we realise Igor epitomises our life's greedy pursuit for power just to make us feel normal, at par with the rest of the degrading worldly people. This book is life-changing for me. It has too many secrets about life and one of them is Lucifer Effect. This term coined by Professor Philip Zimbardo explains so many inexplicable events inflicting us. His extensive works on Lucifer Effect make Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine so relevant in today's world. Zimbardo and Klein's works picture the worst side of us humans.

I hope you enjoy reading this one meaningful story taken from this book.

The spirit of the girl with the dark eyebrows reminds him of the story told by an old Afghan in a break during a battle.
After many centuries of turmoil and bad government, the population of a city high up on one of the desert mountains of Herat province was in despair. They could not simply abolish the monarchy and yet neither could they stand many more generations of arrogants, egotistical kings. They summoned Loya Jirga, as the council of wise men is known locally.

The Loya Jirga decided that they should elect a king every four years, and that this king should have absolute power . He could increase taxes, demand total obedience, choose a different woman to take to his bed each night, and eat and drinks his fill. He could wear the finest clothes, ride the finest horses. In short, any order he gave, however absurd, would be obeyed, and no one would question whether it was logical or just.

However, at the end of that period of four years, he would be obliged to give up the throne and leave the city, taking with him only his family and the clothes on his back. Everyone knew that this would mean certain death within three or four days because there was nothing to eat or drink in that vast desert, which was freezing in winter and like a furnace in summer.

The wise men of the Loya Jirga assumed that no one would risk standing for the position of king, and that they would then be able to return to the old system of democratic elections. Their decision was made public, and the post of the king fell vacant. Initially, several people applied. An old man with cancer took up the challenge and died during the period of his rule with a smile on his face. A madman succeeded him, but left four months later (he had misunderstood the terms) and vanished into the desert. Then rumours started going around that the throne had a curse on it, and no one dared apply for the position. They city was left without a governor, confusion reigned, and the inhabitants realised that they must forget the monarchist tradition altogether and prepare to change their ways. The Loya Jirga felt pleased that its members had taken such a wise decision. They hadn't forced the people to make a choice; they had simply got rid of those who wanted power at any price. Then a young man, married and with three children came forward.

"I accept the post", he said.

The wise men tried to explain the risks. They reminded him that he had a family and explained that their decision had merely been a way of discouraging adventurers and despots. However, the young man stood firm, and since it was impossible to go back on their decision, the Loya Jirga had no option but to wait another four years before they could put in place the planned return to elections.

The young man and his family proved to be excellent governors. They ruled fairly, redistributed wealth, lowered the price of food, organised popular festivals to celebrate the change of season, and encouraged craft work and music. every night, though, a great caravan of horses would leave the city, drawing heavy carts covered with jute cloth so that no one could see what was inside them. These carts never came back.

At first, the wise men of the Loya Jirga thought that the king must be removing treasure from the city, but consoled themselves with the fact that the young man rarely ventured beyond the city walls; if he had and had tried to climb the nearest mountain, he would realised that the horses would die before they got very far. This was, after all, one of the most inhospitable places on the planet. They determined that, as soon as his reign was over, they would go to the place where the horses had died of exhaustion and the riders of thirst, and they would recover all that treasure.
They stopped worrying and waited patiently.

At the end of the four years, the young man left the throne and the city. The population was in uproar, after all, it had been a long time since they had enjoyed such a wise and just governor!

However, the Loya Jirga's decision had to be respected. The young man went to his wife and children and asked them to leave with him.

"I will", said his wife, "but at least let our children stay. They will then survive to tell your story".
"Trust me", he said.

The tribal laws were very strict, and the wife had no alternative but to obey her husband. They mounted their horses and rode to the city gate, where they said goodbye to the friends they had made while governing the city. The Loya Jirga were pleased. They mights have made many allies, but fate is fate. No one else would risk accepting the post of governor, and the democratic tradition would be restored at last. As soon as they could, they would recover the treasure abandoned in the desert, less than three days from there.

The family rode into the valley of death in silence. The wife didn't dare say a word, the children didn't understand what was going on, and the young man was immersed in thought. They climbed one hill, and travelled for a whole day across a vast plain, and slept on the top of the next hill.

The woman woke at dawn, wanting to make the most of the final few days of her life to look her last on the mountains she had loved so much. She went up to the very top of the hill and gazed down on what should have been an empty plain, and she was startled by what she saw.

During those four years, the caravans leaving the city each night had not been carrying off jewels or gold coins. They had been carrying bricks, seeds, wood, roof-tiles, spices, animals and traditional tools that could be used to drill into the earth and find water.

Before her lay a far more modern, far more beautiful city than the old one, and all in working order.

"This is your kingdom", said the young man, who had just woken up and joined her. "Ever since I heard the decree, I knew it would be pointless to try and change in four years everything that centuries of corruption and bad governance had destroyed. I was certain of one thing, though, that it was possible to start again".

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A Letter to Ahmad Fitri Rusyaidi

Fitri Rusyaidi My Dearest

I hope this letter finds you in the pinkest state of health.

It’s been more than 2 weeks since you moved into your new home and I must say, since then, Amumma and Atok have been experiencing the most difficult time in their life. Although Tok Chu keeps telling me that I am ‘the rock that keeps the ship in place in this tempestuous sea’, I, too, suffer from your departure, my dearest. It’s hard writing this but I must do so I could feel better, even for a little bit, with running tears and blowing nose.

We (that is Amumma, Atok and me) had anticipated that day would come since you were still in Mummy’s warm, comforting womb. You were supposed to be taken care by a child minder in a nursery (as Amumma and Atok are no already in their sixties and for one, I have forewarned my siblings that my parents should not be burdened with taking care of their grandchildren) with Amumma and Atok picking you up from the nursery after Asar. But Allah knows what is best for His khalifahs. Your hospitalization every now and then during your early months breathing the air in this world has turned you into a more decisive soul. You would screech at the sight of strangers with impure hearts and unfortunately, today, we have too many of them out there. As a result, Mummy and Daddy thought it was best for you to stay at home with Amumma and Atok since you have grown closer to both of them. That was a start of a beautiful journey for us.

Despite me ranting about your anger management, I want you to know that in the process of carrying out the said plan, we have grown closer to you more than we should. There were times when you would run to us, instead of Mummy or Daddy, for some reassurance and comfort. There were times when you abandoned your toys and storytelling session with Mummy and Daddy so you could greet me with your heart melting smile and warm, snuggly hugs when I come back from work. For that, my dearest, you have such a beautiful soul, even at your tender age.

You know how much Amumma and Atok love you, my dearest? Immensely, even beyond how much they love us, their children. Like Abang Faris and Abang Hariz, their grandchildren are their pride and joy. Not because of what you are. It is all because of how much you all showed them your unconditional love to them. Having you around the house gives them purpose. Caring for you makes them feel alive. Loving you gives them so much joy, no words could ever justify. Through their eyes, your devoted love for them reflects that they have come full circle in life. It is life worth living and they have lived theirs well.

Although Amumma and Atok would still worry sick about you being away from their home, they told me that they have accepted the fact that you belongs to Mummy and Daddy. That affirmation feels like a cold shower in the scorching-hot afternoon for me, my dearest, because I do not wish to see them feeling sad missing you. While they are no longer around you, rest assured that their kind prayers and warm thoughts never left your side. They will forever be in your heart, following you wherever you go, in whatever you do.

I have told Mummy that you love to have your porridge with Bovril and I have, too, asked her to cook the porridge the way you like it. I have reminded Daddy to apply Mosguard, even during daytime. With you leaving our home sweet home, I feel like we have just let you out into a dangerous world, with many impure souls, biting mosquitoes and sharp edges all around you. That worries me a lot (did I tell you Worry is in this family’s middle name? :) ). Worrying and missing you have given me sleepless nights (Read: Dark circles) but I’m not complaining because if those are signs of unconditional love, I rather have dark circles for the rest of my life, my dearest.

So, my tears have stopped flowing, my nose is no longer runny. These mean I must stop here, before they start again. You know very well how emotional I could get, don’t you, my Third Angel?

Till then, be safe and always be good, like you always do, my dearest. Always remember, we love you dearly.

Note: Mak and Ayah keep seeing him around the house. So much emotional torments that we are moving into a new home (homestay/rental proposal is being considered for the existing home), somewhere nearer to my sis' place this weekend. As for me, I try not to watch ASTRO 613 PHDC, especially Timmy Time - a cartoon series he normally watches when i come home from work.