Wednesday, December 1, 2010

A Letter to Ahmad Fitri Rusyaidi

Fitri Rusyaidi My Dearest

I hope this letter finds you in the pinkest state of health.

It’s been more than 2 weeks since you moved into your new home and I must say, since then, Amumma and Atok have been experiencing the most difficult time in their life. Although Tok Chu keeps telling me that I am ‘the rock that keeps the ship in place in this tempestuous sea’, I, too, suffer from your departure, my dearest. It’s hard writing this but I must do so I could feel better, even for a little bit, with running tears and blowing nose.

We (that is Amumma, Atok and me) had anticipated that day would come since you were still in Mummy’s warm, comforting womb. You were supposed to be taken care by a child minder in a nursery (as Amumma and Atok are no already in their sixties and for one, I have forewarned my siblings that my parents should not be burdened with taking care of their grandchildren) with Amumma and Atok picking you up from the nursery after Asar. But Allah knows what is best for His khalifahs. Your hospitalization every now and then during your early months breathing the air in this world has turned you into a more decisive soul. You would screech at the sight of strangers with impure hearts and unfortunately, today, we have too many of them out there. As a result, Mummy and Daddy thought it was best for you to stay at home with Amumma and Atok since you have grown closer to both of them. That was a start of a beautiful journey for us.

Despite me ranting about your anger management, I want you to know that in the process of carrying out the said plan, we have grown closer to you more than we should. There were times when you would run to us, instead of Mummy or Daddy, for some reassurance and comfort. There were times when you abandoned your toys and storytelling session with Mummy and Daddy so you could greet me with your heart melting smile and warm, snuggly hugs when I come back from work. For that, my dearest, you have such a beautiful soul, even at your tender age.

You know how much Amumma and Atok love you, my dearest? Immensely, even beyond how much they love us, their children. Like Abang Faris and Abang Hariz, their grandchildren are their pride and joy. Not because of what you are. It is all because of how much you all showed them your unconditional love to them. Having you around the house gives them purpose. Caring for you makes them feel alive. Loving you gives them so much joy, no words could ever justify. Through their eyes, your devoted love for them reflects that they have come full circle in life. It is life worth living and they have lived theirs well.

Although Amumma and Atok would still worry sick about you being away from their home, they told me that they have accepted the fact that you belongs to Mummy and Daddy. That affirmation feels like a cold shower in the scorching-hot afternoon for me, my dearest, because I do not wish to see them feeling sad missing you. While they are no longer around you, rest assured that their kind prayers and warm thoughts never left your side. They will forever be in your heart, following you wherever you go, in whatever you do.

I have told Mummy that you love to have your porridge with Bovril and I have, too, asked her to cook the porridge the way you like it. I have reminded Daddy to apply Mosguard, even during daytime. With you leaving our home sweet home, I feel like we have just let you out into a dangerous world, with many impure souls, biting mosquitoes and sharp edges all around you. That worries me a lot (did I tell you Worry is in this family’s middle name? :) ). Worrying and missing you have given me sleepless nights (Read: Dark circles) but I’m not complaining because if those are signs of unconditional love, I rather have dark circles for the rest of my life, my dearest.

So, my tears have stopped flowing, my nose is no longer runny. These mean I must stop here, before they start again. You know very well how emotional I could get, don’t you, my Third Angel?

Till then, be safe and always be good, like you always do, my dearest. Always remember, we love you dearly.

Note: Mak and Ayah keep seeing him around the house. So much emotional torments that we are moving into a new home (homestay/rental proposal is being considered for the existing home), somewhere nearer to my sis' place this weekend. As for me, I try not to watch ASTRO 613 PHDC, especially Timmy Time - a cartoon series he normally watches when i come home from work.

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