There have been too many deaths lately.
On Monday, Raden Galoh and Tok Keno passed on to see their Creator.
Two weeks ago, Mak told me she feels like she is going to die. The next day, my sister told that my First Angel told her to bury him next to his sister, Nor Sara, so he could accompany her, when he died.
And I have yet to shed tears (but I feel puffy inside). Surprising enough considering people think I am such a cry baby.
Am I too cruel to not feeling anything?
Frankly, I have been searching deep inside and I have found the answer to death.
"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time"
~ Mark Twain
Here's why I would look at Death under different shades of perception.
The thought of death is comforting especially when we are given with signals that our time to see our Creator is just around the corner.
The idea of death is enlightening that it makes us see the best in everyone and everything, no matter how small that could be.
Death prepares us to let go of everyone and everything we loved but never let go of any opportunities we have to do our best for them so that by the time we move on to the Afterlife, we know that we have left them with something to cherish, some burning desire to attain our purpose of being alive, making life ticks faster so that we could, one fine day, meet again on the other side of the world.
Death teaches us to be selfless that we would give any goodness in us in God's eyes so that our loved ones on the other side would be in better place.
Death makes us say our prayers without fail because we know we won't be able to do so many things in such short time, under such short notice, that we seek God's mercy to place a wonderful feeling in the heart of those we loved so they feel our love, to evoke a memory in their hearts so they know we are forever in their heart, to plant their faith firmly on God's strength that death makes them stronger and wiser in many ways, and to lift a burden of sorrow from their souls so that they know we once existed in their life to bring contentment.
With that perceptions in mind, I feel like I have changed. I have slowed down so I could take time to do things that matters to my loved ones and myself. I toned down because I don't think I should 'stop the fire with fire' (Donald Lim's idea of Chinese PERKASA to fight PERKASA). I contemplate (do i deserve today for being just me?). I swallow my pride (shouldn't i just improve myself so that they could be proud of my humbleness?). I feel happier (everyday is my last day so why should i hesitate).
I am sorry if I make some of my dear friends out there a little worry of my prolonged silence. It is indeed magical that I could sense your thoughts on me and I am thankful for having your emotional and spiritual company in this life.
I am sorry if I decided not to do anything to some of you out there because God knows better - I am better off letting you go, slipping away through the fingers of time. Definitely not because of I, now, decided to despise you.
I am sorry if you think why I am such a sad being. Sadly, I am not sad for what I am today. I thank God for what I am because I know there's better agenda for me in the future. Well, this isn't wishful thinking. It's my gut feelings.
I hope till death do us part...