Sunday, March 7, 2010

What's Inside That Matters...

Some people have their wish list in finding one they want to spend the rest of their life with. Like animals, most of us tend to go for physical attributes in finding one to propagate and assimilate. Some men go for fair maiden with long black hair with luscious lips. Some women seek tall, dark and macho men. These people long to have their Prince or Princess Charming. Little did they know that their Prince or Princess Charming wish list could instead be Prince or Princess Harming wish list!

I found this interesting article “The Number One Thing to Look for in a Partner” that says if you prioritise finding a partner who is sexy, smart, charismatic, successful-in-their-field, you could end up in Charles Manson, Ted Bundy and Mussolini!

In this article, you would find about “The Psychopath Checklist”, used by criminal psychiatrist to test the potential of someone being a hardcore psychopath, capable of committing repeated evil and violent crimes. Guess which traits psychopaths share? Glibness, extreme charisma, the need to always be doing something, feelings of high self-worth, pathological lying, proneness to boredom and emotional unavailability.

“Values provide perspective in the best of times and the worst” ~ Charles Garfield

The article points out one of top traits to look for in a partner – that is an appealingly strong character. Good character values not only come in handy on a day-to-day basis, but during those eventual, inevitable times of conflict. If you and your partner do not value putting in the effort of acting with strong character values during times of disagreement, disappointment, stress, crisis, temptation, sadness, monetary-challenges, illness, vulnerability, misunderstandings — then your relationship will always suffer!

John Gottman, the famed psychologist and researcher who runs The Love Lab, says he can predict how long a couple will last, not by studying how well a couple gets along, but by studying how well a couple doesn't get along. A relationship is only as strong as its weakest link - how a couple handles their challenges.

Under Aristotle’s Relationship of Shared Virtue, we will both want to deal with conflict by facing up to it with "strong character values" and viewing it as "a laboratory for growth".

To live happily ever after, our relationship must have a dual function – it should be a "Den of pleasure" - for fun, companionship, sex, laughter, etc. which you as a human need - so you can keep your soul alive with passion and it should also serve as "Laboratory for growth" - the ultimate place of challenge for your soul to be nurtured to grow - where we inspire one another's "character development" – and that’s what Aristotle called true happiness!

Authentic values are those by which a life can be lived, which can form a people that produces great deeds and thoughts ~ Allan Bloom

So, do we go for Super(ficial)man or one whom we value Superinsidehim because if we go for the former, we might end up with someone who's rude, angry, dishonest, disloyal, hurtful, non-communicative, unempathic and selfish!

Wow! If you manage to reach to this stage reading my long-winding post, thank you. I truly appreciate your curiosity.

For our shallow-mindedness, quick-unreasonable-temper and laiszze faire attitude towards betterment of this Ibu Pertiwi and its people, I decided to use the analogy of finding our one true love for every single one of us, big or small, young or old, rich or poor, man or woman, longs to find our Prince or Princess Charming. I have wrote earlier about "Politics of Marriage", based on Aristotle's Book VII of Politics.

He says, "A state is not a mere society, having a common place, established for the prevention of mutual crime and for the sake of exchange. Political society exists for the sake of noble actions, and not of mere companionship".

Politicians come and go and what remain and should remain as it is first nobly inspired to be is the party. I am thankful that many YBs with strong values remain true to their fight, which is our fight - the common people, by remaining in line, hand in hand, weathering these days of political turbulence.

Like finding our Prince or Princess Charming to spend our lives with, may we be able to see the noble strong values in those people we entrusted with our support to make this Ibu Pertiwi a better place for everyone, generations to come.

1 comment:

walla said...

Relationships are not just dens and labs. They are also bridges to renewals. People need their specials for renewals. When life tears us apart and empties it of meaning and bonding, renewals bring back hope and adds old zest lost in past storms. Specials propel renewals beyond the dens of pleasure or the labs of growth because they are the only destined logical bridges between and within both.

Yet we learn the highest calling is to decouple ourselves from ourselves and reach for some universal truths beyond dens, labs and bridges. We hope that such efforts will plant seeds of selflessness and compassion. We know that as we seek attachments, we risk pain as the price to pay for a worldly existence.

However we are consigned as humans to course its cycle in order to value the detachment that releases us from mortal bondage. After all if one is not attached, how then can one detach to appreciate higher callings?

Life is not about building drawbridges but taking it as it is given. Political society is not just about noble actions. Reaching out to others by paving roads of selflessness and compassion is but one side of the coin. Without the other side called companionship, a coin would not be able to exist.

Maybe that's why Aristotle and walla remain poor and our political society remain impoverished in both thought and deed.