The Best Birthday 'Present' Ever!

“Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for” ~ Lawrence Block

5.50 am

"Lunch today?"

"OK".

11.00 am

"Local or western?"

"Dua2 boleh"

12.45 pm

"Can I change my mind? I'll go for chinese"(Gee, tak habis habis indecisive!)

1.00 pm

As we waited to be seated at Madam Kwan's, my eyes caught a sight of one XX-chromosome being, wearing nice-looking grey coloured shirt, standing 20 feet away, smiling at me. He's gorgeous! My heart skipped two beats. My breathing stopped halfway. Till we were showed our way to the table in that full-house restaurant.

I must be crazy but it is so not me doing that. A believer in the quality school of thought, I don't give a damn about the finesse of one's physical attributes. Well, until that Thursday, fortunately! :)

Since I had to catch up with my racing heart beats and intermittent breathing (really), I zoomed in the menu and told the waiter, standing next to me.

"I'll have my char koay teow" (hehhehhehe, my boss kata takde benda lain ke nak makan? I told her i had enough Jap's on Wednesday and Western over the weekend).

"How about your drink Miss?"

I looked up and saw his gorgeous face. "No".

"Boss, alamak rugi tak tengok dia tadi!" (See, I must be really out of my mind confessing such girlish matter to my boss)

Apparently, that gorgeous man is a waiter with Madam Kwan. We had extra special treatment, attentively delivered by him.

My three-quarter crazy mind was busy sizing up my courage, "Should I or shouldn't I ask for his name?".

Argh! Tak tanya pun (hehehheh penakut!). My face was blushing and I didn't dare to look at him when we left our table for good. Double argh!! But I heard him saying outloud, "Thank you and see you again".

After when i got back to the office, I realised I flirted with him and I am capable of flirting after all (though my flirting maneuvers

Meeting him that day was very important to me. Let me confess.

Last month, one Kuwaitian guy telling me how much he likes me, well after I walked him to Petaling Street in a space of 30 minutes talking and asking him a lot of things about his country and people. Apart from another 'confession' he made to me at the end of the 'power walk' (which I should not divulge), he gave me a peck on both cheeks. I was shocked. I blamed myself for being over friendly with him, for simply making him likes me.

Still in tears, I shared that with a dear friend, later that night, about what happened and how 'bad' i have been. A comforting listener he is, he said I cannot blame myself if someone likes me.

That's it!

For the past 18 years, I blame myself if someone likes me (because I know I cannot reciprocate the feelings and it hurts so much to see how 'cruel' I could be breaking hearts over and over again) or I like someone (because I am complicated no one should stay around me for long and for some odd reasons, I tend to see the beauty of complications in a person - that's a recipe of bad romance).

Pablo Picasso once said that "It takes a long time to grow young". How so true! That Thursday, I freed myself from the blaming game and boy, I do feel young. Indeed, it was the best birthday 'present' I ever received from myself.

Talking about 'present', I received another 'present' in a form of a fuss-free friendship with someone, who I deem the most sincere and selfless man I ever known, who thinks I'm the most smart Malay gal out there, who thinks I'm too good to disappoint that he would do anything but hurting my feelings, who writes the most beautiful line I've ever laid my eyes - "You shall always be in my mind" - in a split second, who tolerate my idiosyncratic thinking and behaviour in such subtle way no man ever done before and surprisingly, he is a malay after all!

Thank you God.