Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Kenapa Orang Lain Ada Ayah?

During the late 1950s, Eric Berne, a Canadian-born psychiatrist, developed Transactional Analysis (“TA”) - a theory of personality and a systematic psychotherapy for personal growth and personal change.

Its “Theory of Personality” describes how people are structured psychologically by using the ego-state (Parent-Adult-Child) model to do this, to help understand how people function and express themselves in their behaviors.

TA also offers a theory for Child Development and introduces the idea of a "Life (or Childhood) Script", that is, a story one perceives about ones own life, to answer questions such as "What matters", "How do I get along in life" and "What kind of person am I".

A person begins writing his/her own life story (script) at a young age, as he/she tries to make sense of the world and his place within it. Although it is revised throughout life, the core story is selected and decided upon typically by age 7. As adults it passes out of awareness. A life script might be "to be hurt many times, and suffer and make others feel bad when I die", and could result in a person indeed setting himself up for this, by adopting behaviours in childhood that produce exactly this effect.

Based on the above, I hope you could see the importance of parents in a child’s life, which goes beyond providing the material necessities. Like they say “A child is like a white plain cloth – you (the parent) are the one responsible to design (make) it into a beautiful, colourful one”.

So, when I first saw the above photo from Malaysian Heart’sFor the Anti-ISA Protestors: Abou Ben Adhem by Leigh Hunt”, I couldn’t imagine my life without Ayah, especially when I needed him the most – my childhood.

While the little girl asked where her Dad is, have we ever wondered questions she has to endure like “Kenapa Awak Tak Ada Ayah?” and “Ayah Awak Kena Tahan ISA Sebab Dia Pengganas ke?”. How about the sadness she has to bear in her little, innocent heart whenever her Ayah was not around during her school concert and her Sports Day, for instance, when her friends have theirs around? Even at this age, I do not think I could handle them.

“A father is the first man in a girl's life - the first man to look in her eyes, protect her, care for her, love her unconditionally. Fathers fashion their daughters as expertly and as powerfully as they do their sons. When a girl loses this man, she grows up with an ache that nothing else can soothe”
~ Jonetta Rose Barras from her book “Whatever Happened to Daddy’s Little Girl”

So, do you think it is fair to her and other innocent children out there, whose fathers are languishing in Kamunting under ISA, growing up without one? Let’s not deny their rights and our future generation’s of having a father. For that, ISA has to go.

“To build a nation, that is kinder and gentler, we must learn to appreciate the importance of the father. Because the presence of fathers contributes so much, it is clear that better ways must be found to keep the family together”

p.s. I had a great childhood for I could still remember my childhood as early as 3 years old, just like how my Mak would narrate to me from time to time, till these days. The breakfasts I had with Ayah sitting across the table, the evenings spent with him reading, countless trips to Penang Hill having my Ice Cream Sandwich. Mak said Ayah treated my sister and I like princesses. For a woman I am today, I owe them all to my Ayah. Why I said so? You must read “Why We Love Who We Love” then.

“Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express” ~ Joseph Addison

p.s.s. For all Daddies out there, perhaps you may want to check out this interesting site - The importance of Daddy


TheWhisperer said...

Don't you dare make me cry again?:p

Just lost my dad and i know how is it like.

Good post, Fi-Sha.

From a very good perspective.

If only they have conscience.

Big IF

The Ninja Boy said...

Hi Lynn,

Thanks for the hightlight, because of them, we are here. For their goods we thankful, for their bads we understand ways to forgive, for the third party on them, we stand by them. Prayers are the best.