La Dolce Far Niente

Yes, I learn this Italian phrase from Travel & Living's Samantha Brown. It means "The Sweetness of Doing Nothing".

Life has been really demanding this week.

For one, some recent changes at work left me alone in my unit. Kak Ana will leave me and join 'some risky business outfit'. Some 'orchids' need a lot of 'nudging and elbowing' before it could 'sail to flower' and i was and am still cracking my rational brain and intuition to 'iron out the creases'. I was labeled too petty (gee, i am just following every single words stated in the agreements) and was called fiery (Oh, some bosses detest being in a meeting with me in it - I'm just too vocal when malay women are expected to be timid and appear stupid!). They think I could handle everything alone, which i could seriously, and I know i won't complain about more challenges lying ahead.

Still, it was difficult fighting tears knowing that someone you just got to know less than a year ago won't be there to greet me in the morning, to crack up some 'intelligent jokes' only the two of us would giggle to (in her case as in my case I laugh out loud, almost rolling on the chair, most of the time).

It won't be the same anymore as I won't have someone to share my rants, ramblings and every nonsensical things that cross my mind. There would be no more sisterly talks. No more 'book club' sessions. No more 'sweetness of doing nothing' at our end. That's the magic of Kak Ana - a sister i never had before, whom i only got to know 'intimately' since i joined this unit in January. At times, we are like 'siamese twins'. Some other times, she knew so well when to leave me alone 'fighting my own war in my feeble mind and in my black heart' before i got back up to this world. Maybe i didn't pay much attention, didn't put much efforts but as always, I am lucky to be in the hands of great souls like Kak Ana. I would miss her terribly!

Secondly, what had 'transpired' last weekend has left me - lost. You see, I have always been an independent soul, despite constant 'protective clauses' imposed by my parents (no, I am not complaining but I do hope they would trust me more that I am capable of taking care of myself). Well, I wouldn't tell all here but I have done things that would shock you because many perceive as 'too weak, too sweet, too prim, too ladylike, too cautious, too stupid, too hapless and hopeless'.

In the course of my 'daring' actions, i went places, met new faces, took up new challenges and learnt new ideas. So, now I need to 'find my way back' to my normal self. Ever wonder why suddenly our universe comes tumbling down just because of one and only person? As a result of such lost-ness, I had resorted to doing nothing, 'hibernating in the pitless caves', just like Lochness.

Lastly, I haven't finished reading "The Devil and Miss Prym", I didn't get in touch with someone on something i just set up, I haven't started writing on Blogosphere Social Responsibility. Ops, my have-not list seems a mile long this time. Yet, I wasn't moved by 'i gotta to do this, i gotta to do that' - Gee, so keras hati kan? I am simply at peace with myself (hehehhe and not getting pissed with my sweetness of doing nothing).

For the goodness of 'sweetness of doing nothing', read this article. Yes, we all should do this once in a while but I must caution as someone dear told me once that "It's good to take a break from normalcy as long as the abnormal does not take over". Let me close this 'confession' with these quotes from "The Devil and Miss Prym": -

"When we least expect it, life set us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change"

"Good and evil have the same face; it only depends on when it crosses the path of each individual human being"