Thursday, November 27, 2008

Garfield's Good-Life Guide

I’m a cat lover and my departed soulmate (bless his soul) used to tell me that a cat person is a lonely being. That’s partly true because I am, most of the time, a ‘lone ranger’ and I don’t need many friends to make my life so alive – only a few kind souls (with unconditional love) would do.

At this juncture, Mulan, my alter ego female cat, who tried her very best to lie down on my comforter, is tormenting me. It’s just timely I read the following article from Reader’s Digest Jan 2008 and boy, I am so like a cat too especially Garfield’s Point No. 1. I guess I need to do this reverse psychology with Mulan so she will stop ‘stalking’ me ;)

Garfield’s Good-Life Guide

You never really own a cat. You can only make him happy and hope he wont leave you for someone better, like the pizza guy. Here are some morsels of advice: -

1. Let the cat make the first move

Don’t come to me and expect me to rejoice. I will come in my own time. When I meet a new human, I know immediately whether he’s a cat person. If he pets me and suffocates me with hugs, yuck! It’s so over. But if he ignores me or is allergic or terrified, I find him irresistible. Unlike indiscriminate dogs, a cat likes a challenge. Always let the cat make the first move, or suffer the consequences.

* Dang! No wonder I’m still single…hehehehhe

2. Be polite.

If I bring you a dead rodent, I expect thanks. If you are not in the mood for a rodent, get in the mood. Appropriate responses: - (a) scratching behind my ears, (b) praising me or (c) putting the gift on some sort of pedestal or perhaps in a well-let china cabinet.

* I couldn’t agree on this one because I’ll cry if you thank me as if I’ve made your day. I’m so much of a giver. No thanks required…

3. Do I look like I need a dog?

I appreciate that you are thinking of me but seriously, a dog? Why not just throw me in a barrel of drool and roll me in fleas? The dog that licked your face just rinsed down the litter box treats with toilet water.

* Thank god, my matchmaking years are all over now…

4. Learn the language.

A faint meow when you’re petting me means “That’s nice, you may continue”. A long drawn-out meow means “I’m hungry – feed me or I’ll poop in the bath tub”. A low throaty meow means “My litter box is most unpleasant”. A hissing meow is “You idiot, you’re standing on my tail”.

* hehehhehehe…watch out for my body language (since I cannot meow)…

5. 14 to 18 hours a day of napping is normal.

I’m not lazy, depressed or narcoleptic. I’m tired. You would be, too, if you had as much on your mind as I do.

* this is so true I told my mom I cherish my sleep because I deem it stress-relieving and it is scientifically proven that taking a nap can increase your memory. Next time you dozed off in front of your PC at work, be glad that your ‘RAM’ has been upgraded ;)

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