A Tigress' New Year Wishes

As The New Year Dawns

May It Brings

Good Luck, Good Fortune and Good Times





"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step"

~ Lao Tzu"


May every step you take in the New Year

Leads you to Happiness

Gong Xi Fa Cai

p.s. When i first started working at my current workplace, they were busy preparing for Annual Dinner, where every department has to perform. In the spirit of breaking the ice (more like 'kena buli'), I was part of the team. To add a tinge of difference, they got me, a malay gal, to sing a mandarin song. It was The Sweetest Greatest Teresa Teng's "Tian Mi Mi". It is such a lovely, meaningful song (surprise surprise I could still remember the lyrics - wow, my brain is at least working hehheh) and I must thank Encik AA (Bro PT CA, please convey this to him ok? ;) because i enjoyed myself immensely. I hope you enjoy it too.

Surrender Myself

Some find Paulo Coelho's writings as boring, confusing and so out of touch. Me, like many more out there, cherish every written words in his books. Somehow, they ring a bell in my ears, pull a string in my heart and then, everything around me makes so much sense!

I would like to share a few extracts from his book called "By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept". Though I have read it before, many years ago, but it seems this time around it was meant to be read by me for a reason, a very special reason.

I now surrender myself to love and be loved.




"All of us had this experience. At some point, we have each said through our tears, "I'm suffering for a love that's not worth it". We suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. We suffer because our love is going unrecognised. We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules.

But ultimately, there is no good reason for our suffering, for in every love lies the seed of our growth. The more we love, the closer we come to spiritual experience. Those who are truly enlightened, those whose souls are illuminated by love, have been able to overcome all of the inhibitions and preconceptions of their era.

They have been joyful - because those who love conquer the world and have no fear of loss. True love is an act of total surrender.

This book is about the importance of that surrender.




One doesn't love in order to do what is good or to help or to protect someone. If we act that way, we are perceiving the other as a simple object, and we are seeing ourselves as wise and generous persons. This has nothing to do with love. To love is to be in communion with the other and to discover in that other the spark of God".

Author's Note, Page 2 - 3

"A man runs into an old friend who had somehow never been able to make it in life. "I should give him some money", he thinks. But instead he learns that his old friend has grown rich and is actually seeking him out to repay the debts he had run up over the years.

They go to a bar they used to frequent together and the friend buys drinks for everyone there, When they ask him how he became so successful, he answers that until only a few days ago, he had been living the role of the 'Other'.

What is the 'Other'?, they ask.

The 'Other' is the one who taught me what I should be like, but not what I am. The 'Other' believes that it is out obligations to spend our entire life thinking about how to get our hands on as much money as possible so that we will not die of hunger when we are old. So we think so much about money and our plans for acquiring it that we discover that we are alive only when our days on earth are practically done. And then it's too late.

"And you? Who are you?"

"I am just like everyone else who listens to their heart: a person who is enchanted by the mystery of life. Who is open to miracles, who experiences joy and enthusiasm for what they do. It's just that the 'Other', afraid of disappointment, kept me from taking actions".

"But there is suffering in life", one of the listeners said.

"And there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you're fighting for".

"That's it?", another listener asked.

"Yes, that's it. When I learned this, I resolved to become the person I had always wanted to be. The 'Other' stood there in the corner of my room, watching me, but I will never let the 'Other' into myself again - even though it has already tried to frighten me, warning me that it's risky not to think about the future".

"From the moment that I ousted the 'Other' from my life, the Divine Energy began to perform its miracles".

Pilar's companion's story, Page 58 - 59



"My heart needs no more suffering.

If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for him or forget him.

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering".

Pilar's Prayer, Page 104

"We walked slowly, and it seemed as if we would never stop descending. Maybe this was another rite of passage, marking the end of an era in which there had been no light in my life. As I walked through the tunnel, I was remembering how much time I has wasted in one life, trying to put down roots in soil where nothing could grow any longer.

But God was good and had given me back my lost enthusiasm, directing me towards the adventures I had always dreamed about. And towards the man who - without my knowing it - had waited for me all my life, I felt no remorse over the fact that he was leaving the seminary - there were many ways to serve God, as the Padre has said, and our love only multiplied the number of them. Starting now, I would also have the chance to serve and help - all because of him.

We would go out into the world, bringing comfort to others and each other.

Thank you, Lord, for helping me to serve. Teach me to be worthy of that. Give me the strength to be part of his mission , to walk with him on this earth, and to develop my spiritual life anew. May all our days be as these have been - going from place to place, curing the sick, comforting those in sorrow, speaking of the Great Mother's love for all".

Pilar's Prayer, Page 172 - 173

p.s. Songs for this post would be KT Tunstall's "Suddenly I See", Hayley Westenra and Helmut Lotti's "There's a sparkle in your eyes" and Andrea Bocelli and Hayley Westenra's "Vivo Per Lei" (Here's the English translation of this beautiful song)

Hip Hip Stupid!

Yes, lately, being stupid is hip in this Ibu Pertiwi.

Well, bloody (ops) well for those who wish to be one but for someone who has been elected to represent the people in the August House (Mr. Wenger has a photo of them here), for someone who has been paid to carry out justice and put wisdom into actions (Uncle Zorro has a snippet here), that's heinously sinful.

Tibetans say "The wise understand themselves; the fools follow the reports of others". I managed to convince my Ayah to stop buying them since last week because I wanted to start a mini-Hartal in my house. Plus, why be another fool reading them up when we bloody (ops) know they are all lies?

OK, i shall save some bytes, bites (arghhhh) and sanity (this is mega super duper tail-stepper) and instead, share words of wisdom from these gentlemen: -

"There is no sin except stupidity" ~ Oscar Wild

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe" ~ Albert Einstein

"The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity" ~ Voltaire

Still having my Muse Fever (boy, I wish I was in The Little Red Dot for their Big Night Out last week), I want you to soothe your battered soul with "Invincible".

....And during the struggle
They will pull us down
But please, please let's use this chance to
Turn things around
And tonight we can truly say
Together we're invincible....

Kanga-Zoo Cou(w)rt and MSM

I will always cherish my first gastric attack.

It decided to 'accompany' me for the next 5 days exactly on the day I stood in front of the 'Kanga-Zoo Cou(w)rt', along with many more to enter the morning session for DSAI back in '98. How poignant.

Alas, I couldn't get in - there were just too many of us wanted to fill in the limited bench in that old, rickety room with unpleasant smell of 'dead wood'. Not giving in to hunger, frustration and double standard treatment there, me and a few others 'lounged' around because we were told we need to be there if we want to be in for the afternoon session.

What we lost during the morning session, we got back in sights of DSAI's counsels (God, those grey hairs were so intellectually sexy) and dialogues with them. That morning, I saw and even asked a few questions to the counsels.

One MSM photographer told me I asked better questions than his MSM reporters, which I agreed because i saw how lousy they were, asking questions for the sake of asking. A decade later, even seasoned journos appear shallow in their writing, mostly plagiarising what's being reported elsewhere with no strong analysis and sound conclusion. Like many more out there who bow to their 'masters', they are just 'machais' - sesia hantar sekolah tinggi, otak letak dekat tapak kaki!

Thanks to these 'machais' - our cou(w)rts and MSM look like a Zoo in Malaysia because they have too many animals but not in pleasant sight, distasteful and in such a sorry state. And that is why i detest the idea of this state and that state having their own zoo since Zoo Negara has been strongly criticised for their bad management.

Do you remember how Gandhi-ji relates animal welfare to the moral state of a nation? He says, "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated".

In our Ibu Pertiwi, moral progress is moving backward with civility giving way to 'barbaric mentality' as we do not only abuse our animals and human beings, even some are acting worse than animals. And that's so very sad for a nation this rich could drop this low.

One of my fave bands, Cranberries, has a song titled "Animal Instinct". It would be a perfect song for this post.

For Good-Hearted Anak Bangsa Malaysia

This whole Ibu Pertiwi has turned into a 'circus' lately but then circus is fun and what we have been 'dished' for the past few weeks were utter injustice, mockery to our sacred constitution, intelligence and dignity.

So, when Mr. Nathaniel Tan asked in his article "The Only Game in Town" - "Why do people with good hearts even bother anymore with politics in Malaysia?" - I need to go deep into my heart and find the answer, assuming that I am a person with a good heart that bothers about the political state of her Ibu Pertiwi.

So, I imagined being in love with someone "that unlocked the mystery of my soul" - the one that keeps me coming back and continue waiting for him even when there is no single promising sign from him. Standing by him (near or far) is the right thing to do even if it means to sacrifice my youth, present and future and to dissociate myself from his presence would only deny me an opportunity fulfilling my destiny in life - the reason of being present in this world after all. No matter what, I would not desert him though most of time I almost 'drowned' myself. I love him. Simply.

"Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are"

~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

So, what we are going through now is heartbreaking (do you feel the same way too?). If injustice could inflict the powerful, what more to us common people? If pains surround the less fortunate days on end, how long do we have to go on living pretending everything's fine and dandy? And all these injustice boil down to the state of our politics. I am sorry but yes, politics permeates every single aspect of our life and it is imperative to have the right one.

"Injustice never rules forever" ~ Seneca

So, it's painfuls but I won't let them take me down and I've promised myself I would start writing down what we should do - the right way - when justice is in place, when this Ibu Pertiwi is back to where it belongs - with its people.

This reminds me of Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet" that goes like this: -

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out

You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out

And I Promise You That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get

I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Might Have To Wait , I'll Never Give Up

I Guess It's Half Timing, And The Other Half's Luck

Wherever You Are Whenever It's Right

You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

Yes, we haven't found it yet but we should never give it up because one fine day it would come anyway.

May I share a fitting song for all those good-hearted Anak Bangsa Malaysia, please. A song by Matisyahu (Blimey! He really sounds like Bob Marley) called "One Day". I love it because I realise I am doing this not for myself but for my Little Angels, yours and many more out there.

May they not grow up thinking this injustice befallen upon us is all because of them.

May they grow responsibly.

May they grow up proud being Anak Bangsa Malaysia.

Anger Management for Babies (Updated)

My Mak and Ayah say I'm cruel but me and my sis-in-law think it works. We think it's best to let my Third Angel cries his lungs and heart out, unattended after ensuring that he's full, dry and not in pain, as part of his anger management program.

Yes, my Third Angel, Ahmad Fitri Rusyaidi, who turned 4 months last saturday, squeals whenever he's upset and he's upset whenever he doesn't get full attention from us. We think he needs some serious anger management program before his next nanny (currently my Mak and Ayah) sends him back home :)

By nature, babies cry for various reasons. While some think it's a sign of distress, we should look at it under positive light - they talk when they cry. So, why not let them talk but never ever let them use it to seek attention with no apparent reasons as not to spoil them because we could end up raising up a Little Napoleon instead. Plus, crying increases oxygen intakes into lungs and hence into the brain cells, promoting better brain activities. Yes, we could raise up little Einstein!

Two days ago, i was out somewhere and i heard a baby squealed - exactly just like my Third Angel's. Perhaps, it's the hormones but my soul was soothed by it, tiny memories I had with him flashed through my brain - I miss him dearly.

Since I go back quite late from work, sometimes I don't get to see him for 2 days in a stretch despite i try my best to make a point 'talking to him'. Well, babies could see things and I don't want him to get nightmares if i brought back 'something' home (yea, you know what i mean).

Today, I miss him even more. He's been hospitalised for the past 2 days. He will stay in the hospital for a whole week to complete his antibiotic cocktail for urine infection. While the doctors are yet to confirm whether there's an abnormality in his urinary tract, we all want him to be back home soon.

Suddenly, our home feels empty. That's why children are called angels. They bring 'light' and enlighten one soul.

Get well soon Angel. You are dearly sorely missed.

p.s. Last weekend, I babysat my First and Second Angels as their parents went for 2-day introductory course at The Nury Institute, as part of their efforts to guide my Second Angel - an autistic boy. On sunday, the Third Angel came over with his parents. My sis shared with us so many things about child development (for this, you really need to visit the institute website because it is extremely useful to building the right Building Block for our Ibu Pertiwi) but i love one really great idea - let your children jump because, like crying, oxygen intake increases and that sparks magic in their brain cells. So, next time your child jump on your bed, let them or you should, like me, invest in a good trampolin.

p.s.s. This post is kind of metaphorical.

While talking about trying to help my Third Angel managing his anger, I too has learned myself.

There are many 'crying babies' out there and just like my Third Angel, I shall leave them alone till they stop crying. I shall not easily pity them and express my understanding for their 'crying' because 'crying wolves are simply false alarms' - so, never, ever, ever, ever fall into their 'crying' but I shall commend them when they stop crying.

So, i said jumping is good for brain. Wait, I don't condone you being a froggie because froggies are 'haiwan dua alam', thus, 'talam dua muka' - that's bad, really, really bad. What I want you to do is jump outside your 'box', seize the moment to change, and float free in the air - free from the shackle of racism, corruption and backwardism.

Do We Seriously Need Leaders?

I am prompted to ask such Q after reading Adik Wan Hidayat's comment in my earlier post here: -

WanHidayat said...

Hurrrmmm....To be a leader, you have to make people want to follow you, and nobody wants to follow someone who doesn't know where he is going....hehehe

January 28, 2010 3:22 PM

Fi-sha said...

Dear Adik

Indeed, it is true but first question we must ask ourselves - do we want to change for better?

Prophet Muhammad SAW (PBUH) once says, "Four things support the world: -

1. The learning of the wise,

2. The justice of the great,

3. The prayers of the good, and

4. The valor of the brave”

Based on that, who needs leaders don't you think Adik?

All we need is to do what we should do towards goodness to all as mentioned above by Rasulullah SAW (PBUH) because "Goodness is the only investment that never fails” (Henry David Thoreau).

So, looking at our current predicaments that seem to grow bigger, lousier and sadder and the kind of 'jokes' we tell the whole world, who needs leaders anyway? All we need now are heroes because Mark Twain once said, "If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes".

So, let me ask you this Q - Are you satisfied with what's going on? If you feel giddily happy, please share with me how I could be one. If you're not, be your hero and that brings me back to what Rasulullah (PBUH) said about the four things that support the world.

So, what if you are still skeptical, because most malaysians are (well, look at the number of 'fence-sitters') and if we do become heroes in out own terms, how long would it take to change this Ibu Pertiwi, kan?

I just finished reading Paulo Coelho's "By The River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept" and presto! I found an answer. In the book, Padre shares with Pilar about scientific studies carried in one of the islands in Indonesia. A scientist showed a monkey to clean the banana before it's being eaten. After a while, all the monkeys in that island rinse the bananas and the scientist opined that these monkeys know that the banana tastes better when it's clean. For unknown rational, logical reasons, he found out that monkeys in other islands do the same thing. How could that be possible when not one of the earlier monkeys 'migrated' to other islands, and if they could, how could they stand the treacherous waters? The scientist, finally, wrote his conclusion - When one from human race evolves, [eventually] the entire human race will evolve.

So, if the monkeys, who share 93% of their genes with us upright standing Homo Sapiens, know that the banana tastes better when it's clean, how about us Homo Sapiens - do we not know that independence tastes better when the system is clean?

Let me wrap this up with a quote from a magnificent lady, like many others who regard her as Hero: -

“And can I do that alone? No. So there is a whole army of youth that can do it. So I suppose my mission is to reach as many of those young people as I can through my own efforts”
~ Dame Jane Goodall

Go on, be a Hero!