Your Women

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.

If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.

She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit'

:D

I received this quote in my Mailbox this morning. Thanks to Mr QS.

Morals of this quote are: -

1. Who needs those transformation plans when you have us, women (yes, if we have more women in decision-making positions, perhaps we don't have to spend RM1.8 M on FA page, or RM60+++ M for ETP ;) )?

2. Who says women are high-maintenance beings? If we are ever one, maybe it's all because of you having no more interest in us.

3. So, Men, treat your Women right. Or someone else will?

Searching for the Real Good Men

Michelle Obama confesses, “Marriage is hard” and I was advised a few months ago to seriously consider getting married if I want to climb up the corporate ladder. Blimey!

Not too long ago, I was thinking that I should ‘hire’ a husband because in most corporations, married women enjoy various benefits, especially medical coverage for their spouses and children. Since I am single, shouldn’t I too enjoy such coverage for my parents, for instance?

But lately, I was told, married women too suffer in their corporate climb. In some conglomerates, women who went on maternity leave will have their performance rating downgraded by one notch. In some other companies, mothers are not entitled for a bonus for the financial year they went on the maternity leave. I wonder why we must penalize mothers for giving birth to our bundle of joy.

While writing this, I wonder if our social activist, Fahmi Fadzil, deserves to be penalized in such a manner (that is to make public apology over Twitter for 100 times a day for 3 days) because the corporate world out there is indeed so cruel!

It is not marriage or being a mother that is hard, being women is hard in this modern world. With the rise of baby girls being born for the last few decades, boys are regarded as heaven-sent to most parents. As a result, most boys grow up into irresponsible men.

So, what do I mean that we have more irresponsible men.

Irresponsible men are emotionally handicapped. They grow up, expecting to have their material needs fulfilled and their messes to be cleared by others. They are so self-centred, they forget about the sacrifices made by their parents. They feel it is acceptable not to give a monetary token to their parents on monthly basis. The world revolves around them, without no care at all about their family member. The saddest part of this sexist upbringing is the rise in divorce rate and marital abuses. More and more youths run away from their broken homes while more and more old folks living in poverty while others are being abandoned in old folk establishments, under the care of strangers. By and by, social ills become permanent stumbling blocks, inflicting the young ones right up to our golden-aged folks.

Irresponsible men lack drive to excel. It shows in the declining number of boys getting into tertiary education system. This further proliferates into a strong force of women entering both our public and private sectors. Still, in the name of survival of purely egoism, women hardly make half of total workforce and mostly earn lesser than their male counterparts. No wonder our nation has fallen from its previous ranking of 72 to 98 in 2010 Global Gender Report, produced by World Economic Forum.

Irresponsible men think life is that simple - Just take care of their own needs and everything will be alright. It is never a case. Life is a wheel. What goes around comes around. I stand on these words that men, no matter who they are, should learn to be good sons before turning into good workers, husbands, fathers and leaders.

Only then, this nation will be a good one for everyone.

So, will the real good men please stand up?

p.s. A survey done on Fortune 500 companies shows that those with the highest representation of women on their top management team have better financial performances. In Malaysia, women only make up around 14% of decision-making positions and with this representation, instead of standing up for other women under them, these female decision makers will try to outdo their male counterparts by often showing others that their harshness signifies power. For a nation to truly push itself into a greater height, it is imperative for it to foster greater understanding and respect towards each gender.

Mission Ramadhan 16 - Equity, Not Equality

"Equity, Not Equality"

Some people in the societies that for centuries refused to consider women as human beings or to give them any rights have gone to one extreme from the other. Islam has nothing to do with such nonsense. When women had no rights in the world, it declared: "And women shall have rights, similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable." [Al-Baqarah 2:228]. That remains its Command today and forever. Similar rights, not same rights. Equity, not a blind equality. Both men and women are equal in their humanity, in their accountability before Allah, in their responsibility to perform their assigned tasks and be judged based on their performance. But their assigned tasks are not the same. They have been given different capabilities by their Creator and the tasks based on those capabilities. This differentiation is not an error that needs to be corrected. It is the only basis for building a healthy and prosperous society. Islam liberates a woman from the modern tyranny of having to become a man in order to get a sense of self worth and achievement.

Mission Ramadhan 4 - A Marriage

"For Ever After..." By Khalid Baig

In all societies and at all times marriage has been considered an occssion for great joy. The word most used with "wedding" is "celebration." In fiction, which reflects our inner desires, they "lived happily ever after." Obviously seeking success in marriage has been a pre-occupation of all societies.

Today in the U.S. -- a society as advanced as human endeavour alone without Divine Guidance can make it -- the average length of "ever after" is about seven years. That is the average period a new marraige lasts today. But even this period is not entirely a period of happiness. As the Surgeon General report indicated a few years ago, home had become the most dangerous place for the American woman. The leading cause of injuries to them is beatings by husbands and boy friends.

Obviously Science and the Age of Reason have not exactly delivered the happiest homes on earth. The secret to marital bliss eludes the Western civilization, although arrogance and conceit keep it from admitting fundamental flaws and looking elsewhere for solutions. Otherwise it would have found the solution in Islam.

Islamic prescription for success in married life is based on taqwa, fear and consciousness of Allah. Taqwa -- the basis for all aspects of Islamic life -- is especialy relevant to the household. That is why Sura Nisa, where many commands regarding rights and responsibilities of spouses are given, begins with repeated reminders of taqwa.

A hadith explains why. It descrbes a scene from the court of Iblis (Devil) where his assitants are reporting their achievements but he is not pleased. Then comes an assistant and says: "I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and his wife." The Devil embraces him in joy saying "Well done."

To fight the Devil, one needs Allah's help and it comes with taqwa, that is living with the awareness that Allah is watching us and will hold us accountable for our actions. A direct and far reaching consequence of this awareness is that a fight for rights is replaced by a concern for responsibilities. One's rights are other's responsibilities. A Muslim husband and wife will be concerned with discharging their duties toward each other. Not a very atractive prospect for those itching to start a fight for rights. But it provides for a home that is a model of peace, love and harmony.

Islam emphasises organization and discipline, the five daily congregational prayers being a good reminder of that concern. If two Muslims travel together, they are required to choose one as the leader. Quite naturally the principle extends to the home as well, and husband is the head of the household. He is responsible for handling all outside affairs and providing finances, protection, and over all direction. Wife is his assistant in the home, responsible for taking care of the home and the children. A very famous hadith explains it: "Everyone of you is incharge and everyone will be accountable for those given in their charge. The man is incharge of the household and the woman is incharge of the home and the children." [Bukhari]. This hierarchy of authority and responsibility is key to the stability and proper functioning of the society.

Authority does carry risk of misuse. The solution does not lie in eliminating authority but in including suitable protections against the possible abuse. On the legal level this is achieved by delineating the boundaries of this authority. The basic ground rule in the Islamic society is that no one can ever ask for anything againt the Shariah. But that is not it. Actually a wife's legal obligation is very limited. In fact her only legal obligation is to stay in the home of her husband. She is not legally bound even to cook food, much less serve the parents or other relatives of her husband. The delicate balance between the legal and the moral here is very illuminating. On the moral plane she is expected to take care of household chores, but this is to be taken as a favor by the husband.

Too many husbands take these services for granted. Realizing this necessary function as kindness would call for greater kindness in return. And a heavy emphasis on kindness keeps the husband's authority in check: "The best of you are those who are best in dealing with their wives and I am the best in dealing with my wives." [Tirmidhi].

A problem may still arise between the husband and wife. No two human beings can always meet the expectations of the other. Human beings are niether perfect nor perfectly matched. What is a husband to do if he sees something in his wife that he does not like? Unless the issue of concern is an unacceptable behaviour according to Shariah -- in which case he should use appropriate pursuasion to change it -- the husband is asked to ignore the negative and focus on the positive. "No believing man should totally detest a believing woman [who is his wife]. If he dislikes something in her, there would be something else in her that he would like." [Muslim].

Most problems in domestic life begin as minor incidents that become magnified by taking exactly the opposite approach. On the other hand even the most trying moments in marital relations can be overcome by following this one piece of Prophetic advice.

Easier said than done? Well, what protects us from succumbing to our anger or frustrations in trying real life situations is taqwa and rememberance of Allah. He has more power over us than we have over those given in our charge. We remember His authority and seek His mercy. The success of our married life depends upon His mercy and not on our power or ability to fight or manipulate. This search for His mercy brings the best in ourselves. As one hadith says: "When a husband and wife look at each other with love, Allah looks at both of them with mercy." And that is the real secret to the marital bliss!

Critics will point out the many domestic problems in Muslim societies today similar to [but on a smaller scale than] the problems in the West. True. But that should not blind us to the key difference between the two. The problems in the West are a result of the value system adopted by it; those in Muslim homes result from deviating from their values. One is suffering by taking the wrong medicine, the other for failing to take the right one.

I Won't Tell Anybody... I Don't Need A Parachute...

Mak always reminds me that once I become someone’s wife (Amin 44x), I should never never never ever wash my dirty laundry in public and not even to my parents.

“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them” ~ Bill Maher

Mak also advises me that whenever I am in great angst, I should take ablution and speak to God because Anger is one letter short of danger.

“Be to her virtues very kind, Be to her faults a little blind” ~ Matthew Prior

Mak says I should hold my tongue, my hands and my thoughts a little longer to calm down my emotions. If I have children in tow, I should never never ever show my skill of throwing-tantrum with my spouse (touch wood). A woman is a human but God has created her so strong, for her to sort things out and be “a woman [who] should soften but not weaken a man (Sigmund Freud)”.

Mak lets me know that marriage isn’t about power grabbing, attention seeking, winning or making a woman a weakling. It should make one as good as one could be but a bad marriage can make one as bad as one dares to be (Elbert Hubbard).

If I needed to cry, Mak tells, cry as hard as I can but "Stop all shame, blame, and criticism. Instead ask for what you want in a clear, specific, and positive manner, and express appreciation for your partner. To elaborate: Men need to feel competent—that they make a contribution and that it is noticed. They like to be told what 'behavior' makes you happy. Since men tend to express affection by doing things, you should interpret their actions as love. When men know what to do and are acknowledged for it, they tend to keep doing it (Harville Hendrix, PhD, author of Getting the Love You Want)”.

p.s. At first, I wanted to politicise Cheryl Cole's "Parachute" but lately, the lyrics carry different feeling... Perhaps, you could read between the lines and draw similarities to what I wrote in this post...

A Day In A Woman's Life

I decided I could lend my time yesterday helping a group of wonderful, resourceful and sensible youths from EPIC at Subang Parade with their "Voice Your Choice" campaign that is getting as many people to register as voters - a privileged responsibility that we Anak Bangsa Malaysia should enjoy automatically yet it is not the case.

Like many malls, this has more than one entrance yet I was perplexed why can't we place our buntings at all entrances. So, I thought I should go to the other entrance (near TGIF) and divert anyone interested to our booth near Uncle Lim's Cafe. Shortly after that, I was approached by one Nepalese security guard asking what am i doing. I told him about our campaign booth and he said that the management does not allow me to do so and I should station somewhere near our booth. I walked back to the booth and Jon Ming told me that the management has informed us not to pester the shoppers for a long time. I took that piece of information personally and felt slightly disturbed because as a shopper myself, I know how irritating 'salesmen' could be (so, I told myself not to do that). It's only after 11.00 am and I didn't think we should continue doing this little.

After exchanging some points with well-mannered Chris who came all the way from Cheras to volunteer, I took his idea by writing down on a piece of paper "R U A VOTER?", clipped it to my board and started walking around the mall. I thought by doing this, I didn't have to open my mouth to send the message out.

Public's reactions

While a few like-minded shoppers nodded their heads and smiled at me, whom I thanked and smiled broadly at, most are just plain ignorant.

Some took their precious time telling me that they have registered and voted before.

Some commended that this campaign was a great service.

Some wondered if I was one crazy woman, which I proved them wrong by talking to them. Apparently, there is one doing that.

Some looked at me while having their meals. Once I have established the eye-contact, I walked up to them. I got a few signed up. Sadly, most of the friendly ones are not even Malaysians but still they took time to ask me with what I am doing.

"If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it"
~Author Unknown

I circled around shops too. Three promoters signed up. They told me they didn't have time before to get themselves registered because by the time they finished their shift, the post office is already closed. One assistant manager in one of those fitness outlets helped me convincing her other colleague to sign up because she said he cannot continue being an 'armchair critic' when petrol and a glass of MILO increased in price. Too bad, he's so shy my charm couldn't convinced him.

I met one of my clients from work and he asked if this is one of my social responsibilities? I gleefully agreed. He told me he would look for me if his new company would require some Funds for Fun and I told him I'd be glad to be of service. Yes, that's my customer service 24/7!

God bless these souls

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken”
~ Fydor Dostoevsky

The first person I met that day was Adik "A". Both of us were quite unsure at first on how are we going to handle this thing. That doubts led us talking (hehhehe, most of the time i was the one busy talking). She is going to Carnegie-Mellon University doing Finance in August - what a smart young lady she is - and she was surprised I knew about the university. I told her that if we read Dale Carnegie's books, we definitely know about this great place. I shared with her about working life and some other stuffs. As we didn't station ourselves together (with me going around the place like a mad woman carrying "R U A VOTER?"), I didn't get to see her at the end of our shift. So, ever resourceful me (hehhehehe yea right), I 'pinched' her contact no from our log book. Later at night, I texted her, apologising if I scared her (or more of scarred her for life with my nation's real-life stories). What an angel she is, she thinks I'm so open-minded! We will definitely keep in touch from now on. Well, not because she sees me that way - because I remember what JFK once said, "Geography has made us neighbors. History has made us friends. Economics has made us partners, and necessity has made us allies. Those whom God has so joined together, let no man put asunder".

I met an elderly, Mr Shrivadas (and I left that piece of paper with his contact no. on at our booth - EPIC help me please), who is married to a Chinese lady, who called me up while he's talking to Peugeot's sales reps. He asked that chap to sign up and he told us he's only 19! I spent quite a time talking and listening to his words of wisdom. He told me about Law of Attraction that explained why he felt the urge to talk to me. He said the future of this Ibu Pertiwi lies with the young generation like me. We parted ways with me glowing like a star and felt like one too.

As I walked along the booths, I happened to ask Madam Judy, who sells brilliantly beautiful water colour paintings. She is the organiser for the booths on this level. A natural businesswoman, she brought me along to meet all the booth owners, asking if they have signed up as voters. Only a few haven't and that include one bank manager (and sadly she didn't look like she would do any way - how sad). She told me to go into the shops too. I was forever indebted to her. Not only that she showed me the way to approach strangers, she makes me feel proud that there are still women out there who think their votes count! I must pay her a visit soon.

Is it wrong to help others getting their right?

“The vote is the most powerful instrument ever devised by man for breaking down injustice and destroying the terrible walls which imprison men because they are different from other men” ~ Lyndon B. Johnson

It's another one hour to go before I'm done with my shift when I heard someone called "Cik! Cik!" I looked around and saw a young man. He asked me what I'm doing and so I told him. He gave me a weird look and soon, asked me to step to a walkway that leads to the restroom. He told he's a policeman and showed his kad kuasa. I asked him if I have done anything wrong. He said no but he wanted to know if i am from any political party since "you know, Selangor belongs to PR" he said. With a straight face, I told I am not. He then asked me why I'm no longer smiling like before because he told me had followed me all over the mall. Well hell, "of course I stopped smiling because you're saying I'm trying to hide something from you and instinctively I don't (bloody) trust policemen".

What pissed me off was when he asked if I'm married. Like always, I told strangers like him, I am happily married (to some eerily crazy ones I would lie that I have three kids at home and that works to ward them off my way or out of the lifts). He had the cheeks to say that I should carry out my responsibilities at home instead of doing this voluntary work. I told him I have no child. "Oh", he said. Then he started telling me that he's a member to PKR and before joining PDRM, he was a radioactive technician with PET. So, I asked him why he quit such great-paying job. To cut the story short, he forgot about me and started talking about him. I walked away, free from him, with him saying "Good luck" and I told him to be a good cop!

It's cool listening to strangers

"Today, give a stranger one of your smiles. It might be the only sunshine he sees all day" ~ Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Trying to compensate for not spending my time with my parents, I took time talking and listening to some aunties and uncles telling me how far their hometown is that they would consider changing their polling stations. Some told me we were doing something good. Some shared with me about their younger times. Most felt better when they saw young people are doing something to make this Ibu Pertiwi better. I wish I could hug them.

It's hard being a woman

"Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness"
~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du Deffand, Letters to Voltaire

At times, some woman shoppers veered away from me thinking I was smiling at their hubbies.

Most young ladies thought I was intruding too much into their 'tak-apaism' with my clipboard. Well, I do understand why. We women think politics is really bad. Politicians in this Ibu Pertiwi are merely idiots that spend our money on 'harta, takhta dan wanita'.

The first lady of the ruling gomen says BAKTI makciks should attend overseas functions so they could learn more. I wonder why such remarks being made when many people are left with no meals for days, no proper roofs above their head, education and health service out of their ways. Don't you think it's damn frivolously selfish?

The first lady also asked her chubby hubby why our ruling kitchen cabinet does not have enough women representatives (well, Mak told me she was interviewed on TV recently to commemorate her first anniversary being the first lady). The hubby childishly reasoned out that it would be difficult for a woman YB to serve her constituency at night as her hubby won't allow her to go out at night! Er! I wonder this pakcik belongs to which generation and I am not sure whether I should cry or laugh like a hyena hearing that from a man that is supposed to lead this Ibu Pertiwi.

And here I am trying to spend a few hours of my free time for some voluntary works and I was told to stay at home and mind my own responsibilities!

"The tragedy of machismo is that a man is never quite man enough"
~ Germaine Greer

And it is even more difficult for an unmarried woman like me because I could see how this Ibu Pertiwi has lost its Anak Jantan. Your ability to impregnate a woman doesn't make you one Anak Jantan.

How could one spend the rest of her life and risk having children with a XY chromosome-bearing human when he could not even differentiate the rights from wrongs?

How could one hold on to him when he is only holding on to powers that hold his 'kejantanan', instead of his principles?

How could one be a human being when he is not behaving and feeling like one?

I guess that is why Hollywood comes out with a string of movies that portray women as the supreme gender eventually because those men have lost their 'kejantanan' - why do we need them anymore when they can't even serve their purpose of being one any longer?

So, the next time you see me, please refrain yourself from asking when I am getting married because it's bloody hard being a woman trying to do something good in this Ibu Pertiwi filled with men that lost their 'kejantanan'.

It's Hard Day's Night but I won't give up.

Say NO to shameless men

Everytime an opposition representative is being probed by MACC, it is a general rule of thumb that he would quit his party, continue serving as an independent representative and walla - he would be cleared from the said probe. I wonder what is the price of integrity and trust to turn one into a ‘traitor’ of his own people.

“Whenever a man has cast a longing eye on offices, a rottenness begins in his conduct” ~ Thomas Jefferson

In the case of one Mohd Radzhi Salleh, he quit his party but wishes to continue to hold his post as the state executive councillor. That sounds like a self-serving man to me, or maybe ‘syiok sendiri’ kind of guy, who thought he won the seat for his own principles and values.

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude” ~ Thomas Jefferson

Then, came along this one Johorean – the same kind of man – hinting that more PKR representative may quit. Well, I never know that he is such an analyst extraordinaire like Mr Wenger Khairy, to predict such ‘lompat si katak lompat’ acts.

‘Kalau tak ada serangga, masakan katak melompat’, isn’t that so? I bet he has been ‘propagating serangga’ to bait many more ‘kataks’ but not only ‘kataks’ eat ‘serangga’, other animals like birds, pangolin, echidna, armadillo, dragonfly, fish and even plants, too, eat ‘serangga’. So, I wonder why he and his men focus so much on ‘kataks’.

DSAI admits PKR is the weak link in PR coalition. Well, we all know that PKR is very much an UMNO splinter party - full of once sidelined UMNO goons – who breathe money to stay alive. “When they get worried, the money says let’s go baby”! Ahh, what do you expect from those people who grew up in dirty money politic environment? Maybe we need to use the ‘weedkiller’ to control such ‘lalang’ from outgrowing the crops.

“A man does what he must - in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures - and that is the basis of all human morality” ~ Winston Churchill

Of ‘katak’ and ‘lalang’, now they have ‘buaya? Oh no! They say BN’s tainted candidate has a second wife but she hasn’t been given her rights as his wife for the past 8 years. Isn’t this another criterion of some UMNO goons – chauvinistic womanisers? So, you took a vow to care for her in the name of God and now you denied her place as one of your wives? I feel for his second wife’s emotional pain, which is beyond words. No woman deserves to be desecrated in such humiliating manner.

Despite having “Kementerian Pembangunan Wanita, Keluarga dan Masyarakat” since January 2001, women’s rightful status and rights are still being denied. Kak Jat, what say you? Oh, by the way Kak Jat, Auntie Madeleine Albright has this for you ~ “There’s a special place in hell for women who do not help other women”.

While we women are becoming more aware of our rights, more aspired to ‘reach for the stars’, the Government is still in the state of denial to assist us women. Why so? First stop, have a look at the composition of UMNO lawmakers in the cabinet!

I wonder what would be Fatwa Council’s stand on this matter. I am looking forward to their intelligent, well-thought response because we do not wish to see this degrading trend continues. Imagine this world, with too many women abandoned by their husbands. What more if they have children. What would happen to them?

“Women are systematically degraded by receiving the trivial attentions, which men think it manly to pay to the sex, when in fact, men are insulting, supporting their own superiority” ~ Mary Wollstonecraft

The same Johorean (danggg, what an embarassment), last week, said that he wanted to see more women in senior management position in corporate world. With these type of chavunistic men walking along the Corridor of Power, how could women climb up the corporate ladder? One who speaks her minds and exercises her rights are normally being ‘struck’ from the list as they would pose such great challenge to these type of insecured men. All they need is “Yes Man” type of women. For me, it is a disgrace and irresponsible act. Would you, women out there, ditch your principle for a room with a window? I rather have a clear conscience overlooking my little cubicle, baby!

Say NO to shameless men, say NO to UMNO.

Say YES to women’s power, say YES to better future.

For a start, let’s get the best man to win!


p.s. Being a lady is an attitude, being a lousy man is a destitute. So, I think!