Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Parenting Skills - We All Need Them

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built" ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


After a dear friend recounted how a student was beaten to bleed by a teacher for failing to participate in dawn congregational prayer (Sembahyang Subuh Berjemaah), I told him that all teachers need to learn parenting skills, as part of their syllabus.

Now, even children in UK would be sitting for parenting classes as part of their plans to effectively break poverty cycle, as reported in The Guardian here.



The coalition's poverty adviser, Frank Field, will call for all children to be given parenting classes at school when he presents a government-commissioned review into poverty to the prime minister later this year.

The theme of Field's review is "how to prevent poor children becoming poor adults". He recommends a move away from a mainly financial approach to tackling child poverty, favoured by the last government, to a strategy that focuses on parenting, and on the early childhood years, up to the age of five.

"Being a parent, apart from running the army in Afghanistan, is the most important thing we will ask anyone to do and we assume people get the knowledge by osmosis – and they don't," the former Labour minister said.

He said he was disturbed by research showing how accurate a prediction can be made as to where a child will be in their 20s, by looking at their ability at 22 months and just before five years.

Narrowing divisions in children's readiness for school at five was central to tackling divisions in later life, he said.

A report by the Sutton Trust charity, published last week, showed that poorer children are twice as likely to start school with behavioural problems, and warned that the gap had widened over the past 10 years. Field interprets those findings as evidence that although the Labour government was successful in reducing the overall number of children living in poverty, parallel work needs to be done on reducing non-financial inequalities.

He argued that with generous investment, the foundation years – the first five years of a child's life – could "become more powerful than class in determining where children will be at five, 10, 16 and where they will be at 20".

Part of the problem was a decline in people's understanding of good parenting, he said.

"There has been a rupturing of the level of parenting skills in my lifetime. There was a collective wisdom about the beneficial effects of tough love – you set boundaries for your children, but you loved them within those boundaries."

During his research for the review, he met numerous teachers who said those boundaries were no longer being set.

"I think it is more difficult to parent now than it was. The pressures on you are greater. It is expected that people, mothers, should work, and rather quickly after birth, even if they are on their own. Postwar housing developments have split up communities. You are bombarded with demands from television about the things that children should have. It puts a much greater pressure on parents. To add to that you may not have had a good role model yourself," he said.

"I've met lots of heads who say children are worse prepared for school now than they were 30 years ago. Children should be able to sit still, they should know their own name, they should be able to take their coat off, they should understand the word 'stop', they have to be able to hold a crayon." Teachers had told him they were increasingly obliged to teach children these skills, he said.

In recommendations that he will present to the education secretary, Michael Gove, this week, Field will suggest that parenting should be taught as a theme within other subjects – "not as a separate ghetto subject", so students would look, for example, at the development of a child's brain within their science GCSEs. The teaching would help children understand what would equip them to be a "five-star parent".

"While money is important," he said, "I will be arguing in the report that there are other circumstances which, the research shows, are as important as money in determining outcomes: the interest you take in your children, how you bond with them, whether you read to them, the interest you show in what they are doing at school."

The government is committed to the same goal of eradicating child poverty in the UK by 2020 as set out by Labour, and has increased child tax credits paid to families falling below the poverty line.

Field, who was a director of the Child Poverty Action Group charity before he went into politics, said he thought the extra money should have been spent on Sure Start projects, aimed at helping children in their early life.

"I would have argued, though I wasn't in the game to argue, a different split of that money, between tax credits and the foundation years, because if we are serious about transforming the lives of poorer children, it won't simply come by increasing tax credits, however generous they are."

Monday, November 8, 2010

Do You Know How It Feels Like To Be Free?



"Only free men can negotiate;

prisoners cannot enter into contracts.

Your freedom and mine cannot be separated"

~ Nelson Mandela


“How can I set free anyone who doesn't have the guts to stand up alone and declare his own freedom?

I think it's a lie – people claim they want to be free – everybody insists that freedom is what they want the most, the most sacred and precious thing a man can possess.

But that's bullshit! People are terrified to be set free – they hold on to their chains.

They fight anyone who tries to break those chains. It's their security…

How can they expect me or anyone else to set them free if they don't really want to be free?”

~ Jim Morrison


"What do we mean by setting a man free?

You cannot free a man who dwells in a desert and is an unfeeling brute

There is no liberty except the liberty of some one making his way towards something

Such a man can be set free if you will teach him the meaning of thirst, and how to trace a path to a well

Only then will he embark upon a course of action that will not be without significance

You could not liberate a stone if there were no law of gravity - for where will the stone go, once it is quarried?”

~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

To different people, freedom carries different meanings. Like success and marriage, getting one is easier but managing one is difficult because we tend to start with a wrong foot, wrong reason, which most of the time, is badly reasoned and hardly justified. As a result, we linger in it (success or marriage) for namesake, drifting from high to low points in life, feeling numb; hopeless; careless; and don't-care-less.

Having seen the deplorable living condition for some Malaysians in Batu Sapi recently - thanks to the buy-buy-election - it hurts me deep inside. Unlike their forefathers that fought the battle to bring them where they are now, it seems to me that these people are in worse situation compared to to their forefathers because they have almost lost the spirit to fight for dignity and better life. These are the people who have been denied freedom and they have succumbed to much-hyped myths that their lives depend on the ruling party. Like us all of us, their destiny lies in their own hand. But with continuous oppression and artificially-created miseries imposed on them, it is so easy to surrender.

So,would that be alright for us not to do anything about it since they have accepted their current destiny? If we are a living, breathing human being, who would have felt their miseries (cubit peha kiri, peha kanan terasa sakit), we would do something for them.

And that is why I think the best people to really move these people out of their self-chained destiny is the local people. Instead of just hyping up on sensational issues (sometimes, reading their takes makes me feel like reading UK's tabloids - well, now you know why we are also catching up in printing tabloids, that is to feed people with things to talk about so they could forget their own miseries and later, to confuse them), they should focus on their own people and highlight the issues with proper channel. For once, we should get our act together and get things moving instead of relying on buy/general election to punish the short-term amnesiac politicians.

Some of us would have known how it feels like being free - it's ecstasy; it pushes us to only greater height; and it only makes us more humane.

And that is why The Lighthouse Family's "I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free" would be a fitting song for this post. Freedom, like love, is best shared and it is best shared with full morality.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Diwali - Lessons from It


Astronomically, Diwali - literally translated into "Row of Lights - is celebrated on darkest night in the darkest period between October and November, marking celebration of a New Year.

That means even a spark of light or a tiny twinkling star could stand out in the vast canvas of night.

And that the light isn't just a sight but a guide.

So, when there's light, there's no confusion.

Everything is clear. Nothing is an illusion.

May we dispel our ignorance, flagrance and vengeance for conscience, prudence and valiance.

Wishing Thiva, Vijay and all my Indian friends who are celebrating Diwali a Joyful and Meaningful one.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Caca Marba Midweek Break




Yes, it's so caca marba as detailed below: -


1. I revisited "Shawshank Redemption" - one of the most meaningful films I've ever watched, over and over again (though at first I watched it for cute Tim Robbins (hehheh my choice of guys speaks volume - from John Cusack to Tim Robbins. Gee!). It's about real friendships and burning hopes. It brings honour to perseverance. It teaches enjoyment to solitude. It has too many quiet plots, which for me and many more out there who enjoy this philosophical movie, reflect the reality of life - at times, we feel alone, abandoned and rejected but during these down times, we learn to listen to our soul and get to know ourselves better, which later these revealations would assist us to make rightful decisions in life. Like Andy Drufesne, we may have to crawl through our stinkiest moments in life to a brighter one and like Andy, all we need is a little tool. This is a must-see 16-year-old movie!


"Dear Red, If you're reading this, you've gotten out. And if you've come this far, maybe you're willing to come a little further. You remember the name of the town, don't you? I could use a good man to help me get my project on wheels. I'll keep an eye out for you and the chessboard ready. Remember, Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this letter finds you, and finds you well. Your friend, Andy"

~ Andy Drufesne


2. Jason Donovan's "Sealed with a kiss" came back into my life a few months ago. It carries different feeling at my dinosaur age, especially when it comes to the part that, "It's gonna be a cold lonely summer but i'll heal the emptiness". When I was 15, curing loneliness would probably be sulking all summer long. Now that I have grown old (hopefully not a fool anymore), I heal my emptiness with things that scream "I Love Myself" (Read: things that make me simply me!) and honouring people I care dearly, wholeheartedly, by doing things we would do together. Loneliness flies away when I fill my emptiness with things and thoughts that matter. Loneliness isn't a bad thing - when one feels lonely, for me, it means one yearns for something and that yearning should be used as the pushing factor towards what one is yearning for. There's always a blessing in disguise. Let's hope that while we are busy healing our emptiness, we must stop and look out for signs for the end of cold lonely summer is nigh...



3. One of little dreams I have is to set up a children library because I enjoy children immensely (by being a kid myself). Innocent, curious, mischievious (I'd reword it to experimental) and boisterous (full with energy may I say) they are, there is so little choices in getting them great local reading materials. Today (Yes, I am writing this with a big smile on my cherub face), I found Pak Yusof Gajah, who has been nominated (for the second time) for the prestigious 2011 Astrid Lindgren Memorial Award ("ALMA") of Sweden at the Frankfurt International Book Fair. What attracts me to him is philosophy on life and seeing arts beyond sketches and paintings. His books would make perfect timeless gifts for a child!


"People are afraid to dream, he continues, because being ambitious and wanting to be a high achiever is discouraged by a society that thrives on mediocrity. But dreamers should be stubborn – that is what got him to where he is today"


~ Yusof Gajah, The Edge 28 Sep 2009


4. After reading Art's latest posting "The Administration of Justice in Malaysia - A Glaring Misconception" and hopeful Kg Gas' folks, I have John Denver's "Sunshine on My Shoulders" playing in my heart.


Thank God for them - they make my Wednesday!

2012 - The End of Humanity; 2010 - The End of BN


A self-professed late bloomer in everything, I only got myself watching "2012" last Sunday night because it has lovable John Cusack.

Some of the horrific scenes in the movie look like they have been taken out from ongoing Gunung Merapi Eruption. I turned off the TV feeling physically exhausted and emotionally distubed. That movie is no longer about John Cusack - it's definitely more than meets [his] eyes!

When Dr. Adrian Helmsley said this almost at the end of the movie, "The moment we stop fighting for each other, that's the moment we lose our humanity", I had tears welled up in my eyes.

That is why for what happened to Adik Kugan, Adik BH Teoh, Adik Aminulrasyid, we will fight for them and their loved ones. It is not 'sibuk jaga tepi kain orang' (that's, for me, is only applicable when you gossip about others, out of envy and anger).

And that is also why we sent flotilla to Gaza.

It is not sympathy. It is not even charity. It's humanity.

Somehow, Antares read my mind (as this post was first written on Monday). He shared Jose Arguelles' poignant article on "2012" and I am deeply affected by it because I feel ashamed of us, human beings, for causing so much suffering, without a tinge of regret or guilt, all in the name of power and material possession. Thank you Antares.


"This is a grand drama that is playing out now. What we are seeing is the exhaustion of materialism, what the Club of Rome defined in 1973 as the Limits of Growth. I was recently on an investigative visit to East Africa (Kenya) and South India. For a counterpoint to the misery that was everywhere evident, as I was traveling through different parts of these two countries, I took time to watch CNN, Al-Jazeera or BBC in the hotels so I could follow the oil spill and witness the European union voting a trillion dollar bail out for the Euro and some failing economies.

It made me wonder: Where is the trillion dollars to give every human being on Earth a roof that doesn’t leak, an actual sanitary toilet, clean drinking water and real food on the table? No, it was quite evident that the species has failed in taking care of its own and in its capacity to save its environment.

What people need to understand is that 21/12/2012 is actually humanity’s deadline, and right now it would rather send a man to Mars then deal head-on with what it has created on its home planet"

~ Jose Arguelles


Having read that, I hope KJ - Yes, that Ketua Pemuda UMNO - who had been telling Batu Sapi people to vote for BN because "PKR has nothing" to wake up. Wake up Bro!

Well KJ, PKR has nothing but it wants to do something. BN has everything but it hasn't been doing anything since 1963. Let's not talk about 100-storey tall Warisan Merdeka, you lot can't even get basic infrastructure up and running in Batu Sapi. Shame on you KJ!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Women on the other side of the world



A couple of week ago, I thought of Eva Peron – the Spiritual Chief of A Nation (that is Argentina) as she was called by her people. It is close to 6 decades after her demise but her spirit of emancipation lives on in Latin America. Two historical events prove this.

Yesterday, Madam Dilma Roussef was elected as Brazil’s first female president after the ever famous Lula, her mentor, was barred by the court from running his third presidency term. Madam Rousseff is seen as Lula’s ‘puppet’, having lived a colourful life (a former Marxist rebel) and holding various powerful positions in Lula’s cabinet (primarily of Brazil’s energy and finance ministries).

Under Lula, Brazil joined Mighty, Hungry BRIC, catapulting half of his people into middle income class, thus strengthening its domestic consumption on top of rising commodity prices, to bolster Brazil’s economy. Call her whatever you want (politics can be so nasty most of the times) but I think Lula has picked the best person to continue with his successful economic reforms to greater heights. Madam Rousseff becomes a grandmother in September and in her first speech to the people, she said that “[she] will pay attention and take care of the country as a kind mother”. That reminds me of “Don Juan”, in which Lord Byron wrote, “Man's love is of man's life a thing apart, 'Tis woman's whole existence”.





In December 2007, Argentineans elected their First Female President, the beautiful Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner. She took the office from her husband, Nestor Kirchner, who passed away recently from sudden heart attack. Dubbed as The Clintons of The South, this First Couple fought evil capitalists – their own elitists and international foreign banks, defied IMF during 2001 financial crisis, introduced interventionist economic policies and looked after the poors of their nations, making them the third largest economy in the American’s South Hemisphere, rebounding faster than any of its neighbours. They have always been bestest political partners but with her power-broker husband rest in peace, would Cristina’s Peronic spirit fizzles out? I hope she’s be stronger in her true self – just like how Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “A woman is like a teabag, you never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water”.


“Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves” ~ Hendri Frederic Amiel

While women on the other side of the world have emancipated and showed their mettle (that they can change the course of their nation and they can rule - how ironic when at home, moms have always been the ruler!), we on this side of the world could only manage a snigger when our budget next year will give us cheaper lingeries, handbags and toiletries. How pathetic they think we are!
God did not create women for nothing. Women nurture, never torture. Women’s real strength, despite their fragile physique, is not just their ability to provide. It is their ability to provide endlessly, wholeheartedly, even if they received so little or nothing in return.

God Bless All Women.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Genting Sempah's Tragic Accident - Tragic Loss of Common Sense


Last weekend's accident makes me realised one thing - most of the time, we put our life in someone else's hand.

It was reported that the outing was the first to many youths in that old bus.

It was also reported that the parents were not happy with the condition of the bus in the first place but who are they to ask for something better, when, like most abiding Malays, they accepted everything in whatever conditions. Even if it means paying hundred of RM for a screwdriver, as famously reported in AG's report for years now.

Not surprising, the trip was organised by Belia 4B (which means it was well sponsored but as always, we have too many Ali Babas (middlemen) in between Belia 4B and the youths).

When we have so little, even a little contribution means the world to us.

I could imagine how happy the youths were having gotten a chance to see the world outside Baling - I am not sure if it is still one of the poorest areas in this Ibu Pertiwi and how worry were their parents having to let go their precious ones on a long trip on that substandard bus.

I could imagine the emotional turmoils currently faced by the ill-fated bus driver. He was denied a driving license because the driving centre he registered was an illegal outfit. And he resorted to driving without a valid license because he has to support his family. Sadly, not wanting to inflict such economical suffering to his family, he inflicts another set of sufferin to families of departed souls.

Now, 7 precious ones were now in the Hands of their Creator. They are gone but their loved ones would forever live with endless "What if I had...".

May the souls rest amongst the righteous people and may Allah gives strenght to their loved ones.

This accident could be avoided if only we have more sensical people. This ideal is not far-fetched because it starts with us. Help everyone around us to be one.